<BR>A divorce.<P>She told me yesterday at 4:30 pm that her attorney had some papers for me to pick up. She signed them last Friday and they were filed Monday.<P>Merry Christmas.<P>I have 20 days to respond. If I do nothing at all, I could be divorced in less than 3 weeks. It was almost exactly 20 years ago that I first met her.<P>I'm bewildered. I'm in shock. I'm surprised, but I'm calm, not panicked. I have no idea why, or if it's even important to know why. Oddly enough, I've been able to work most of the day without my eyes glazing over.<P>I think I got to a point of acceptance recently. She just doesn't want me, and that's really all there is to it. I believe that I've done the best I could with the abilities I have. That's not to say that I didn't make mistakes, because I certainly did. But I did my best.<P>I really wish I could have been a success story. I was (and still am!) inspired by lostva and Lor and others who have brought their marriages back from the ashes. I worked very hard to emulate patient souls like K, NSR, Chris, and others. I counseled with Jennifer and as a matter of fact I still have an appointment for next week. <P>As it turns out, I never even got to the point where I felt that I belonged on the Recovery board. She never did come back into the marriage, never recommitted, never made a move toward rebuilding the destroyed trust. I had nothing to work with. There was really no marriage left to rebuild. I'm not at all certain that she truly ended her affairs. I've been doing CPR on a corpse for 3 1/2 years.<P>So, fellow MBers, I leave to join those who have moved to the D/D area. I've hurt a lot, but miraculously, I've learned a lot, grown a lot, and healed a lot. I still believe in Plan A and it's goals. I wholeheartedly endorse MB principles as a way of life. I wish for happy futures for all of us.<P>

I'm so sorry. I know the growth you have experienced, the hard way, rings hollow right now in comparison with the pain, but no one can take the effort and the growth away from you. Take pride in what YOU accomplished for you.<P>

Hi O2bsane,<P>I'm just so deeply sadened to hear this news. I know how you're feeling ... it hurts doubly as bad since she choose do to this so close to a Holy Holiday. There are reasons for why things happen and when they happen, you and I just don't know what they are yet ... but I'm certain in time there will be answers. I still believe in a bright light ahead of us ... a better life for us because we've looked into our own souls for answers and found the courage to face our faults in the marriage. We know we did everythng we could to revive and recover what we believed in and no one can take the goodness we've found in ourselves away now. It's a part of us.<P>Did you know that my H also recently filed. Hurts like the dickens, doesn't it? I can't explain the feelings, I was numb with disbelief and still am a bit. I think it's emotional shock and for me it's lasted a couple weeks. <P>I'm praying for you O2bsane ... and I'm just so sorry to hear this news. <P>Love and many hugs,<BR>Jo

Thank you both for your kindness.<P>FHL, I have truly grown through this ordeal in ways that I probably never would have experienced otherwise. I am proud of what I've learned but it came at a tremendous price. You have helped me in many ways and I'll always be grateful. I carry a notebook with me that has some of your wise counsel in it. Thank you.<P>Resilient, if ever there were a person who was described by their username, you are that person. After the muck you've been dragged through, you paused to comfort me. It's almost enough to restore my faith in humanity. I hope that you find that bright light soon. When you get there, shine a little my way.<P>I pray that we all find happiness in our lives. Soon.<BR>