Is recovery POSSIBLE without HONESTY?<BR>I have given up the hope, I finally just had to look at the FACTS, discount what he says,<BR>and try to make a good loving home for me and our kids. Divorce is in progress.<BR>He lied and lied and lied,and lied, but swears he would do anything to save our marriage. This emotional abuse had to stop.<BR>HAS ANYONE FOUND THAT ELUSIVE RECOVERY WITHOUT HONESTY??? IS IT ESENTIAL OR WAS I EXPECTING TOO MUCH. I thought 5 years of lies was beyond hope.

lizam,<P>I'm not quite sure what to say here. I really believe that honesty is essential for a BS when they find out their spouse has had an A. I know in my own case that if I did not have complete honesty from my wife right now I would go nuts (I still do anyway )<P>You are not expecting too much when you expect honesty. Remember, that is one of the EN's that Dr. Harley says many people have. If your husband says that he will do anything to save your marriage, then try to communicate to him how important honesty is. Try to tell him that you feel there are times when he is not being honest and also tell him how it makes you feel. Also, very important, try to do it in a way that will be constructive and not put him on the defensive. You need to not make disrespectful or hurtful comments because then he might just close up and not listen or digest anything. (I know, hard to do!)<P>If possible, try to get him to read HN,HN or SAA. This may open up his eyes a little as well.<P>Good luck!<P>-HD

I think that honesty is essential for a true, full recovery. I know right now, it's my #1 EN.<P>My H, no matter how much I beg him to just tell me the truth, doesn't. Until that begins, I don't know if we'll hit true recovery.<P>I just hope and pray that once OW is out of the picture, he'll begin to see more clearly how important it is to be 100% honest!!

My answer is NO.<BR>How can BS trust WS again without honesty? Sure even if WS is being honest it's still hard way to go but that's the beginning of the recovery.<BR>If your H is willing to do anything to save the marriage MAYBE he can do this.. You can say that. But at the same time he's still protecting something by lying.. you, and himself. I hope you find a way to tell him this very effectively.<P>Meg<p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited December 22, 2000).]