As I was sittin here reading through some old post I started realize the change in my H words...<BR>When he moved out it was after he stopped drinking... The PA started a month later. If you dont know my story he had a Co-worker who is also a recovering alcoholic. He was talking with her about stopping drinking once he did and moved out he persued her and the Pa started, Are you suprised?<P>Anyhow here is the change<P>before.<BR> I am confused I see things differently now I feel hurt and guilt for all the things I did to you while I was drinking, I never wanted this to happen, I loved you so much and I felt you did not love me, I cannot handle all th fighting, it kills me to see you hurt, I dont know what is gonna happen, I do not want to get in a relationship, I need to be by myself, maybe I need medication, I need to mend my relationship with the kids, I need to get my life together, I am scared, I thank God that my family is ok, I cannot believe I have a n astranged wife and will spend the holidays alone, All I wanted was for you to love me, I wish there was something we could do to fix this, You have always done everything for me I have to make it on my own, Hwo knows waht will happen, this maybe the biggest mistake I make, I drive by the house, It is hard for me not to come back, why do you think I was hesitant about getting my own place, we have nothing in common anymore, I do not want a divorce yet, we need to see what happens..<P><BR>Now...<P>I am not in love with you, I care for you, There is no going back, why would you want to make it work, I am happy now, I am accepting the way things are, I never really liked the holidays anyways, she helps me, I am not scared, she doesnt fight with me, she doesnt want anything from me, you make me want to drink, the kids are just gonna have to accept this, I want a divorce, she is important to me, I care for her, you have to get over this, move on with your life, I wish you would find someone, My relationship with her has nothing to do with you, I closed that chapter in my life before I got involved with her, she understands me, I have healed, I have not been in love with you for years..<P>Funny how things change in a matter of a month. I do have to question if this is pure fog or if he has really accepted everthing and moved on.<P>Diana<BR>