I started plan b last week. Since then she has been sending a lot of mixed signals. One day she calls being nice just to talk. The next day she opens her own bank account with money that was in our joint account. Then she takes the kids by herself out of town on icy roads to go 200 miles to home. The problem is she does not have our kids best interests in mind. She obviously cannot handle them by herself. She had her younger brother move in with her(by the way her parents can't control him, and is in a lot of legal trouble drugs, hit and run, dwi ect)<BR>And since he has been there she has been allowing his druggie friends to come over all hours of the night. She also let a drunk man who she is friends with stay the night since he was nearby and could not drive home. While she is gone I want to move home and put her brothers things in the garage and tell her that he is out. That I am going to live here to protect my kids since she won't. Plan b will destroy her. She needs my support to live. She only makes 9.50 an hour. I want to make sure my kids are taken care of but if I give her money she will waste it. So I feel that I should move home and if she does not like it she can leave. Any suggestions. I know ther is somebody who has been in a similar situation and I need to know what to do before she comes home?

I think you need to protect your kids at all cost. It seems that your W is putting them in danger with the type of people she is letting come in to their home. Good LUck

Well, I have never been in a similar situation, but I think your instincts are right-on. Those kids need to be protected first and foremost. Drug dealers hanging around, drunks staying the night? No way, Nu huh...get back over there and protect those babies from a mother who has not got a clue right now.<P>allison

Protect the kids. I'd suggest talking to a lawyer if need be, but if it is your place that you moved out of, I'd get right back there and kick her brother out. No way your kids should be exposed to that.<P>Let us know what happens. We care and want to know that everything is OK.

She is 200 miles away at her parents house. I have told her that she needs to leave her brother there. She says that I can't control what they do because they are adults now. But in my opinion are acting like rebelious teenagers. I will plan to move home tonight, and then visit my attorney tomorrow. I wonder how to handle it when she comes home in a couple of days.

I'm not in a position to speak with any authority on legal issues, but I'd definitely talk to the attorney before she comes home, and look into getting some sort of legal right/order to get the brother removed from the house before she comes home. Sensitive situation, because what will he do when he arrives, but this is just a bad situation.<P>Given what you've said about the brother, you might also have rights concerning having custody of the kids. But I'm just merely speculating, without knowing much about it. I just suggest getting the proper legal assistance on this one.<P>Your wife is wrong that they are adults and can do what they want. Not when it comes to the safety of kids. I'd nip that one before it gets carried away. I'm being somewhat forward about this just because it involves the safety of the kids.<P>Good luck.<P>

Thanks for the speedy reply. I will see my atty in the morning. So I will bring up these questions with him.? I am curius whether I will even have to allow my wife back home. I don't know if I should.Thanks for being forward it doesn't intimidate me.

Sounds like you are being proactive about the whole thing. You know the details of the situation the best, so of course make sure you are doing what you are comfortable with. Just wanted to clarify that, but I think you know already anyway.<P>Be careful. The brother sounds like bad news, with drugs, drinking, etc. involved. OK, I'll stop rambling now. You can see that I'm home alone now and therefore able to check out the MB site.

{{{{{wantmyfamtogether}}}}},<P>LB or not...<BR>...<B>you have a responsibility to protect your kids</B>...<P>IT'S YOUR DUTY...<P>Do speak with your attorney ASAP!...<P>If he is reluctant to get involved...<BR>...find another... I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counseling free of charge.<BR><A HREF="http://www.uslaw.com" TARGET=_blank>USLaw.com</A> (an alternative search site)<P>Please... for the children!<P> <P>Jim

I have checked around town and I have the best atty money can buy. From what I understand other atty's are reluctant to defend one against my atty. I heard that from other atty's. I meet with him at 9:00am<BR>tomorrow morning. My wife does not come home until Friday so I hope to have things under control by then.

Good Luck with your lawyer tomorrow. I think you are on the right track, & you will be able to take control when your wife returns.<P>

Move into YOUR home.<BR>Get the druggie OUT!<BR>Protect your children.<BR>Plan "B" will not destroy her. Sometimes we've got to let adults hit rock bottom and not rescue them from their own consequences.<BR>If she doesn't like you being a MAN and a FATHER she can leave.<P>Be kind ..... but be FIRM. You have the moral imperative to take charge in this chaos!<P>Bless you.<P>------------------<BR>~*~*Yesterday~*~*<BR>all my problems seemed so far away~*

First, I echo the others that it is your obligation and sacred duty to protect those innocent children. <P>"Plan b will destroy her. She needs my support to live." <P>If she burns money in the hand, you can arrange to pay her rent directly to a landlord.<P>Move home, get the wheels in motion with the attorney. What if any criminal or legal record does the brother have? Get that info for the attorney it may help you with custody.<P>She sounds dangerous. In the irresponsible sense. She lets druggies, a delinquent younger sibling, and a drunk into her home, all of which is scarey and disgusting to children. (Ask me how I know! Never mind, I'll volunteer this: My mother used to let her drunken boyfriends "sleep it off" on our couch. The sight of those men, lying like beached whales and snoring their alcohol breath into our living room and later driving the cars that they had parked zig-zag slantwise in our driveway in full view of all our neighbors - my face burns with shame and disgust even today.)<BR>

Well, I did move back in last night. My wife will not be home till thursday. We will see how things go then. Her brother is not coming back with her. He has a court date on jan 9. So will stay at his parents house till then. I visited my atty and he said that I only have a 60% chance or less at getting custody of my kids. In our state it is almost impossible for the dad to get custody. I will live with my kids from now on unless she files. If she does I will fight for them. For now every time she does something stupid she only shoots herself in the foot.And helps me win the kids.

Make sure you keep a journal of everything.<P>I presume your goal is still to save your marriage. Will your wife be surprised to find you back home?<P>Glad you looked into things.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited December 26, 2000).]

She knows that I am moving home. She is not real happy about it because she will not be able to have her friends over all the time. And yes my goal is still to put our marriage back together. She said that she is deciding what she is going to do. And that on Jan 1 she will tell me if she is going to try or going to file. We will see what happens when she gets back. Her mom wants her ro work things out, but her dad says "do what makes you happy, and if that means a divorce you have my support." And these are the people she is with all week.