I need strength right now. I am battling with the fact that I would like to call h and tell him what a piece of SH** I think he is. He called to day to make arrangements to pick up the kids. then he procedded to tell me what a great Christmas he had with OW...<P>I was fuming, then he picks up the kids drops of a couple of gifts for my nephew. Of course there is noyhing for me not even a boc Xmas card say Merry F****** Christmas. How can A man I soent 13 years of my life with be so inconsiderate? I tell ya today is worst then yesterday was. I am so angry, Sick to my stomache and completely hurt. I know if OW was not in picture he would have a least bought me a little something.<P>I am just finding it so hard that a man who told me everyday of my life I was the most beautiful and important person in his life could be so cold.<BR> I know loves does not die that quickly!!! I just feel terrible. I am at work right now And I just want to go home get in bed and cry for the day...<P>I am trying to let go of my anger and just look back and tell myself he is the wacko not me. He is in La LA land!!! It is very hard to rationalize everything I have read and completely understand right now, when I feel like I have this dark cloud over me that is never going to go away.<P>I am trying so hard not to call him and tell him how I feel. I have very strong feelings of Hate right now.<P>Diana

My kids are running around, so don't have much time. Please trust me....don't do it. We all get really angry at this stuff, but he wants you to call him that so he can justify his selfish actions. Don't fall into his trap. He is in the fog deeply now, that is obvious. He will say more things that completely annoy you.<P>Call someone else and vent, write a big vent letter on here, go out to a store, have a coffee, clean, or whatever....just get your mind off this a bit, and wait another day. You'll calm down. I know how you feel.<P>Got to go now, but I'll be around later today (evening). Hang in there and just take a deep breath. I'm annoyed too right now but that is another story for later.<BR>

Rick,<P>Thanks for the reply, I have calmed down and I know this is pure Fog.. He is just very selfish right now and completely about himself!!! It hurts but I know I will survive this. I called a friend and I am gonna get together with her tonight. We are gonna go see a friends band play.<P>I know this is kid like running, my sister says that I do a lot of thet but I cannot see myself stting at home all night mad... I feel like I am dying inside. My stomache has had this inferno going on for so long I wish it would go away... I shake all the time. my hands are like ice. I cannot believe how emotions affect us physically.<P>Well I hope all is well for everyone else in the after Christmas Mass....<P>Diana