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#896964 12/26/00 06:05 PM
Joined: Nov 2000
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I guess I am posting here because i don't know of any sites that can tell me the sanest least destructive way to go about telling my H I want a divorce. Maybe someone here can guide me to another site. <BR> I have been married 27 years, and I know that this marriage has reached an end. I have been journaling for years and reread the past 3 years and seen how miserable I am. <BR> I want out. I don't want to destroy him, but I can't continue in a marrige based on history and pity. Can anyone help?

#896965 12/26/00 06:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 237
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I stumbled on MB's through a site called "divorceinfo.com" but I never went back. I had to make the motions if for no other reason than to know I tried. <BR>Stay here a bit and look into the tools offered.<BR>There is more to your story, I am sure.<BR>rrunrr<BR>

#896966 12/28/00 10:40 PM
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There is always more to any story. But really people you must know a site or two to help guide you gently through the process of divorce. I am not interested in trying to rebuild an empty shell.

#896967 12/29/00 01:24 AM
Joined: Jul 2000
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messeduplife, I hate to tell you this, but there IS NO WAY to avoid destroying your H!<P>My W has been trying not to "destroy" me for 6 months now...its not working. Unless your H is exactly as unhappy as you are, he will be hurt no matter what. After 27 years of marriage, how could he be anything but sad to see it end? I know you're hoping he'll say: "thank God! I've been unhappy for years, too...when can we fill out the papers, honey?!"...but I doubt that will happen.<P>I don't know your story (perhaps you could fill us all in...?), but I would guess your H doesn't necessarily want a divorce? You seem pretty sure that divorce is the only way to go. I'm sorry to say that you will most certainly hurt your H. There is no way to "soften the blow," or "make it easier." No, this is a very hard thing for a person to deal with. <P>The only thing I could offer is: If this is what you really want...DON'T WAFFLE! Don't waver, don't change your mind, don't say "maybe we'll work it out," don't show him any guilt, or sorrow, or pain, because if you really want to divorce your H, and you also don't want to hurt him, DO NOT give him ANY hope that the marriage can be saved. I can tell you from personal experience that hope is the most painful thing of all. As cruel as it sounds, whatever you do: don't give him hope! <P>You cannot avoid it: Divorce hurts, and hurts badly. You can make it easier by being honest, open, and above all, consistent. If divorce is the ONLY option for you, then be prepared to hurt your H terribly. Your freedom comes at a price, and that price is his pain. There is no other way around it.

#896968 12/29/00 11:55 AM
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 35
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You and my wife need to get together! She has been trying not to hurt me for a long time. DIVORCE HURTS!!!!! It Will Not Be Easy. I am in the middle of what looks like a long battle. My wife has turned on her whole family and says that she is not happy and just wants out. Well she has two wonderfull little boys and she does not care that they will be hurt. I too agree if divorce is your only option than do it quickly with NO CHANCE OF HOPE. But please before you destroy your spouse ( and you will desrtoy your spouse) Take the time to really search this site. There is a lot of excellent information here. You may not be as far from being happy as you think. And my guess is that a divorce really won't make you happy either. I am sorry if I offended you. I am just real tired of people who say"For Better OR Worse" and then when things go bad they go running. Seriuosly consider what you are doing. If you BOTH haven't tried to work it out maybe it is time to see if your husband will help. I was oblivios to the problems in my marriage I thought that I was a good husband. And one day my wife just told me that it was over. Maybe he will help you.

#896969 12/29/00 03:04 PM
Joined: Jun 2000
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I also don't want to offend you, however, this is a site designed to help you strengthen your marriage, not help you get out of it as fast as you can.<P>If you are sure that is what you want, you may want to post on the Divorcing/Divorced section of this forum. You may get more replies there.


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