Before my husband and I got married, we lived together, during which time I found out he had been meeting other girls on the internet and soliciting cybersex. Also, I found out that a weekend he spent at Lake Havasu (supposedly with a bunch of guys) was actually with a bunch of guys and their wives who were all swingers. I don't know what actually happened. He says nothing but pretty hard to believe. I was very upset about all this and we split up for a year. I felt our trust was ruined. But I also felt he was truly a good person and we got along really well. He begged me to come back to him promising it would never happen again and he was so sorry. I did come back and now we are married and living in Eastern Europe. When we got back together I asked him please not to hide things from me. If he had sexual fantasies, he could share them with me. I thought this would help our marriage. Well, he finally ended up sharing the erotic stories he had been reading on the web with me. My idea backfired. Almost every story included infidelity and this only made me more angry. One story in particular was about having sex with his sister in law. Where is this all going, you ask? Well, my husband's sister in law (his sister's husbands sister) is quite a successful actress. Of course she is beautiful and he takes pride announcing to his buddies when he sees her on TV that she is his sister in law. And they all envy him. We found out she was shooting a film somewhere in Europe recently which brought up the subject of whether she could come stay with us if she is ever here. I do not want her here knowing what I know and of course this offends my husband because he thinks I don't trust him. I guess he is right, our trust has never fully recovered. But I don't think I could even enjoy her company knowing what I know. I am writing this now, for one, because I need some input on how to handle this situation and, two, because I need to get it off my chest. I have no friends here and no one to talk to about this kind of stuff. Thanks for any input you can give.

Annie - just because your husband may lust after a beautiful actress doesn't mean the feeling would be mutual if she visited. I understand why the thought of her being there makes you uncomfortable, but maybe you should not object to a visit - even if it could be arranged - as a gesture toward trust of your husband. If she comes, befriend her. All of us guys lust at least a little - we're hard wired for it. I bet she knows how to handle horny men and maybe he'll be humbled.<P>The alternative is to perpetuate your mistrust of your husband - whether he deserves it or not.<P>WAT

WAT<P>Thank you for your input. It really helped to hear a man's point of view and someone with a forgiving perspective. You sound like a very understanding person. I can only pray that I am able to react with the same humility the next time this topic arises. Thanks, again.<p>[This message has been edited by Anniegirl (edited December 28, 2000).]