Everything up until yesterday seemed to be going OK. I knew that H still wanted a divorce. But he seemed friendlier toward me. Friends who do not know what is going on between us mentioned that he seemed much happier @ Christmas than they've seen him in a long time.<P>Yesterday after work he brought home papers that he pick up from legal affairs (he's military)on divorce. I was even OK with that. We had spoken of planning for a worst case scenerio...you know get all you facts in a row and all. But when I asked him if this meant he was wanting to go ahead with this soon he said he thought so. That hurt me.I thought all our steps up to this point were for not...the counseling, the dates, the long conversations. I told him my feelings on the matter. He of course got very mad. <P>The thing that confused me most of all was how the discussion ended last night. Not about the fact that he walked out (out of embarrassment of crying in front of me)but the things he said right before he left. At first he said he thought we were never right for each other (I believe that is him talking through the fog). Then he said he couldn't understand why I still loved him and stayed with him after all the pain he has caused me.I told him my love runs deeper than any pain. I know I said some pretty painful things to him and maybe I shouldn't have. But when he left he said that in a way he resented me for giving up my dreams for him (attending college fulltime). But when he first saw our Ds that he knew everything we'd ever been through was worth it. Next he wondered where he would be if we hadn't married. And he said that he life is better because of the marriage. And last thing he said was that he never had anyone believe in him the way that I have and still do. End of story. H left for 1 1/2 hours came back and didn't say anything. Did reach for my hand though when trying to fall asleep.<P>I'm so confused. Am I just spinning my wheels? Is there still hope out there for us? We are to be moving from here in 6 months. He wants us to leave here as a family. But once we are on the road he doesn't know what he wants. He would like a divorce now so that he can move on (and it will be quicker to get it up here than at his next duty station). Should I move to his next duty station also. I know that OW is wanting to move in w/H there. I'm afraid of what it is going to do to the kids. They know that we are having problems but they don't know to what extent. Any suggestions?

The things he is saying to you sound similar to what other WS have told their spouses that have stuck with them through everything. I see hope, but that is just from what I have read. I don't know all the background, but "fog" seems to be there for sure. He seems very confused, but must not have given up on you based on those things he is saying.<P>My standard answer is to Plan A, fill his ENs, no LBs. You've got time with him before you move. You have the advantage. How old are your kids?<P>Hang in there, because to me he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. You can help orient him towards wanting you, and not the OW. You have the best chance because you have kids together. If he wants a divorce, then why would he want you to leave as a family in 6 months? Fog?<P>Good luck and keep us posted.

Thanks, Rick, I needed a man's perspective on this. Our children are 17, 15, & 13. They know things are not right between us--emotion wise--but are all for us spending time alone together. In fact, they offered to lend us money to get away for a while. Sweet, huh? H's not ready for that though.<P>He came home this morning and let me snuggle up to him on the couch. Plus he kissed me goodbye without me initiating it. I know that we are both hurting here. But neither one of us seems to know how to get past it. That is one of the things we have found out has hurt our marriage.<P>I want to say thanks in advance for all this support. I didn't know where else to turn. At least I feel that someone else understands what I'm going through.

So what is the status with OW? How long has that gone on for? Also wondering if counselling has helped at all, and are you doing the usual Plan A things? Dates and long conversations have to be positive things.<P>

OW is 3,000 miles away. She calls H @ work. He has told her he won't call her but has left the door open to her contacting him. She still believes that they will be together. And H has not led her to believe otherwise because he is still thinking of the possiblity of them.<P>The PA started while he was attending school for his job(2 1/2 months long). They had the A for the last 1 1/2 months that he was there.<P>H is at home now.Doesn't want to move out really. Has talked of maybe it would be best--but hasn't done it yet. We took the LB test and EN test. Found where we are lacking in meeting each others needs. I've really worked hard at keeping the LB to a minimum. We both seem to slip up though once a week on that. I'm working at trying to meet his EN and he has seemed to try to meet mine. We are trying to spend 10 or more hours of uninterrupted time together as possible.<P>I've started taking time for me. I want to feel better about myself. I know whatever the outcome that if I like myself I can survive all of this.