Well haven't posted in over a week so thought I'd share what I have been doing. So far I have had two sessions with Steve Harley and my Ws has had one. I have no idea what he said to her but it sure got through some... She is looking forward to our next session with both of us talking to him together. Well for Christmas we decided to go out to a fancy dinner in the big city. Took the train and all so we could talk. It was oddly uneasy. I almost felt like I was with someone I didn't know. I did things that I normally don't do like Open the car door and take her jacket. I realized that this is not myself and that she loved me once without this. We had a good time. I was a little disappointed on Christmas. She came over to spend the night so she could be there when Santa came. She started drinking early and after we put the boys to bed she said she was going to sleep. I mentioned about putting out the gifts and treats for Santa. She said she was going to wash her face and would be back down to help. I waited a while but she never came down. I went upstairs and she was passed out in bed... Really hurt me that she thought so little of this but I regrouped and left it go. She has been spending 3/4 of the nights at home and the remainder with her friend. She does show many signs of wanting to come back but is reluctant to change. She confronted the OM at work the other day. He was trying to get her to talk to him and she finally went to him and said it was over and that she was trying to repair her marriage. He immediately went into how bad his life is and how messed up he is(playing the sympathy role). She actually felt sorry for him and this made me a little uncomfortable. Hopefully the next session with Steve we can begin to address some of these issues. Until then I'll contine to be there and try to be strong. It's actually getting easier as time goes. At least I'm seeing some results... Take care and may 2001 be a whole lot better than 2000 was.. Crick

crick - WOW!!! So happy to hear some good news. Remember to take it slow and don't rush it. There'll probably still be ups and downs, but it sure sounds like you're over the hump!!! Keep us informed, we're pulling for you.<P>Dave (WAT)

Dear Crick,<P>I am very happy that you are making some progress. As you may have seen from my postings, my H came back and then left again so I would second the advice about taking it slow. My H said that he felt pressured by everyone to work on his marriage and he still didn't really want to. IT HAS TO BE THEIR DECISION.<P>My H may not ever come back, but I know that if he ever did want to again, I would make sure things were in place before he came back -- no contact, drop lease etc.<P>Hopefully the signs of hope will give you additional strength and patience. Her moodiness may be some withdrawal symptoms setting in and that would also be a good sign. Hang tough!

Exhausted,<P> I'm sorry to hear about your continued struggles. I hope things ease in the near future. I know for me the knowledge of what went wrong and how I needed to proceed were a big help. I also had a realization one day that I completely forgave and let go of the past. I don't remember the last time I felt so releived. I was thinking about things I'd read and things Steve Farley had told me about My having the ability to be her greatest source of joy or greatest source of pain... This is what you expose yourself to when you "fall in love" with someone. I realized over the past few years I was the latter and that in order for her to be able to Love again I had to begin to protect those feelings... May not seem like much but it really opened my eyes. I have since let go of what happened and concentrated more on what Can happen in the future... Even if this doesn't work I know now that I'm a better person overall and I can get by just fine... I hope one day you reach this point. I'm pulling for you. Stay strong and just try to be patient. It's hard but I know you can do it. Crick