Well, I'll briefly go over my holiday:<P>Wasn't going to get my husband anything for Christmas, but while I was out shopping with a friend I found a golf calendar with daily hints and stuff. It wasn't much, and I bought it sort of on impulse. I didn't shop for anyone until the last minute, but even then it wasn't so hectic, surprisingly. I just didn't want to think about the holiday until I couldn't put it off any longer. So, I did the rest of my shopping and thought I would just supplement the calendar with a couple of little things that I know he likes and that he generally does not buy for himself: Peanut M&M's and sardines (no, he doesn't eat them at the same time!!! ), and I got him a box of Ritz crackers to go along with the sardines.<P>Christmas Eve I went to my sister in law's for dinner and gift giving. I wasn't sure if he was going to be there or not - I know slug wouldn't be there as his sisters will still not allow her in their homes. As it turns out, as happened in years past when we were together, he had to work until 5:30 that night - and we were gathering at 3pm, so he couldn't make it. My sister in laws are generous, and I felt better this year because I could actually afford gifts (sort of ... a few creditors will be waiting a bit longer for payments), and it was a pleasant few hours.<P>One of my SILs mentioned that my husband was supposed to come to her house around 4pm Christmas Day. I debated silently about going there - even though I wasn't invited, I knew I would be welcome. And I decided not to. But I did give her the gifts for him so he could get them from her.<P>Then I went and spent the rest of Christmas eve with my parents and sister and her family. The kids are adorable ... but by the time the evening was done, I was wiped out... we sand Silent Night ... or, I should say THEY sang Silent Night ... I sobbed instead. The holidays are so loaded with emotion.<P>Christmas Day I went to my parents and sister's and spent most of the day with my family. It was very nice (got a new HP ink jet printer!!! and some other very nice things). The kids again tired me out (where DO they get that energy from???).<P>Where I work, we close and have the week between Christmas and New Year's off, so I don't have to go back to work until Tues, 1/2/2001. This Tuesday, I didn't do much of anything - slept a lot ... discovered I've been coming down with SOMETHING - mild flu or some bug.<P>Wednesday, I decided I really needed to do something. I had been asked to help a co-worker with an end of semester problem that had come up, so I arranged with her to go to work and we would finish it up together. We were there for about 2.5 hours in the mid-afternoon, and got it all finished up.<P>I had to take my co-worker home... she was already in the car when I got in. And then I noticed something on the dash board. Actually, tucked in front of the speedometer behind the steering wheel... a small white envelope with my name on it.<P>I opened it up and it contained a money envelope with a note written on the inside of the top flap: "Terri Marry Christmas Call" and signed by WHO? Why, it was from my husband! Wordlessly I showed it to my co-worker and she said "I don't believe this!" then she looked to see how much it was - I hadn't even looked at the bill inside.<P>He gave me $50... hasn't given me ANYTHING the past two years we have been apart for the holidays...<P>I CAN'T FIGURE HIM OUT!!! Just when I get used to not hearing from him, he pops into my world...<P>Oh ... I didn't call him ... <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Glad your holidays went well. Your WS is as crazy as the rest of them. Do you ever think they really don't want us to get over them, so when it seems we are getting on with our lives, they pull us back in?<P>Go spend that $50 on something that you would not normally buy, blow it, enjoy it, thank him for it.

terri,<P>You haven't "Plan B'ed" him yet, have you??<P>Oh well, not much to say but "Merry Christmas"!

Gee, K ... now that you mention it ... <P>:: no ... I haven't Plan B'd him yet. Cowardice, I guess. I have tried many times to write the letter, but it always comes out so ... presumptuous sounding. How does one avoid that in a Plan B letter after all this time?<P> <P><BR>Merry Christmas... I think.<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Hey there Terri...<P>I have been checking in from time to time to see if there were any updates or developments on your end but until now have not seem anything. Its good to hear from you and see that you are doing well.<P>If I were you.... I think that in this case I would go on and call him.... I would be very careful not to let myself get pulled into anything though. But I think that it would be nice to say "THANK YOU for the gift".<P>But I think that I would basically keep it at that unless he mentions something or brings something up. Perhaps this is his way of opening the door.... perhaps this is way of testing you to see if the door is still opened. Who knows, but I agree that you shouldn't read to much into this but I do think that a thank you is in order here for any gift received from anyone, even you H.<P>I would caution you though not to allow yourself to be dragged into this yo-yo syndrome again. Protect yourself!!!!<P>If by any chance he would appear to be trying to re-establish contact, I would just tell him that you just wanted to thank him. <P>At this point, I don't think I would offer him any re-assurance that you still love him. For some reason... they seem to like the challange of wanting what they think they can't have. That was the case in my situation and I have seen it happen pretty much the same way in others too.<P>Let us know what you decide or do. Hang in there and be strong... you are stronger than you know and you can do this!!!!!!<P>Good luck to you Terri, wishing you a SAFE & HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!<P>Hugs to you,<BR>Genie<BR>

Thanks, Genie. I am debating about whether to call or write. In one way, as a friend pointed out, writing leaves me "in control" - I will have communicated my thanks for the gift, cut it off at that and am not doing exactly what he has requested. Of course, there is that part of me that just wants to call and hear his voice and talk...<P>I have operated over these past two years for the most part on "gut" instinct guided by EVERYTHING I've read. My gut says ... well, it's all mixed up at the moment! <P>Hey everybody - IT'S SNOWING LIKE HECK OUTSIDE!!! And it's BEAUTIFUL!!! Happy New Year - hope all of us have a healthy, happy and prosperous 2001 and beyond!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Well, I decided to call him today and thank him for the gift. He was at work, of course, and so was being interrupted occasionally... He asked me what I was doing tonight and I told him going to a party... he said "for New Years?" DUH! "yeah" "Oh? where?" (am I imagining that slightly wistful tone? I really don't think so) "Friends of your sister's." "Oh." I DIDN'T ask him what he was doing. "Did you get the magazines?" "Yeah." "Did you know ... " started talking about something in one of them. I told him I hadn't had a chance to look at them yet, was busy with the holidays and such. He sounded surprised and disappointed. We talked a bit about computers and he told me he has a couple more magazines. I didn't comment.<P>I really don't think it was just me - I think he was angling for me to tell him to come over and drop them off or something. No mention of divorce or moving or anything. And I think it bothers him a little that I can love him but still have my own life... Oh well.<P>Today, I am tired and not much in the party mood. Pretty peeved, actually. My landlord is on vacation in Florida and the guy he has plowing the driveway (I live in upstate NY and we got around 16-18 inches of snow yesterday and last night) is about as useless as a toddler with a plastic shovel. I shoveled my small deck and stairs (I'm on the 2nd floor) and got most of the snow off of my car - but there is no way the car is going anywhere. Thankfully, my sister in law and brother in law are willing to bring their snow blower over before we go to the party. I am taking a crash course, I guess, in snow removal.<P>Happy New Year everyone!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Terri, <BR>I must say that I am a little envious of the snow that you are getting up there. Down here in VA, we haven't really gotten any. They have been calling for it about every 3-4 days for the past 2-3 weeks but we've only really gotten snow once and that was only about 3 inches. I hope old man winter comes to see us soon. <P>I wanted to congradulate you!!! Sounds like you handled yourself like a pro with your H! <P>I will have to admit that I was a little worried about you there... but I think it sounds like you did a great job, not letting him weaken you at all, being strong and independent. And I think that you are sending him a very important new image of yourself. A new woman that CAN and DOES stand on her own!!! I don't know whether this is coming out right and being received the way that I would like for it too, but I just wanted to let you know that I am real proud of you!!!! Stay strong!!!<P>Good Job!!!!<BR>Genie29<p>[This message has been edited by Genie29 (edited January 01, 2001).]