OK, I received three of my books I ordered..<BR>Divorce Busters, Love must me tough, and SAA..<P>I read LMBT and SAA, now I am on DB.<BR>I was noticing that I was applying a lot of the techniques right after my H moved out, without even realizing it. However in a conversation we had he had claimed that everytime he came over it seemed as if I was happier without him and that I was doing fine. This is why he said he new his decision was best for all of us.<P>Now I also know that his intent for the A was going on , at this point he was in EA and new he was going to persue it.<BR>Thus being he was already in the FOG..<P>I am just wandering if in some cases this whole 180 approach actually makes it easier for the WS to move on. Feeling as if we are better off without them.<P>I know that once the A was confirmed is when I changed my ways, I became scared and felt I needed to latch on. I know I cannot do this and now that the A is full blown I must apply DB and MB techniques.<P>The I LOVE YOU part is my next question. DB says don't say it.. My councelor and MB says do..<P>I know I need to be subtle about it and not do it often. I do not want him to feel pressured or uncomfortable. Is there a way to do this without seeming needy or defeated?<P>Thanks guys ..<P>Diana

We all wonder if the concept of being happy will make it easier for them to walk away. I think in most cases, it rattles them a bit and eventually makes us look better. I think the key is to making all the positive changes you can. They have to eventually notice it, and if the fantasy is breaking, it is then that this becomes so important.<P>The I love you thing is something that I think you can say every so often, letting them know that you accept your role in the marriage breaking down, but that you love them and are willing to work on rebuilding. It just shouldn't be said frantically and expecting them to reciprocate. Just a little sign that you are willing to rebuild, coupled with positive changes that may eventually make them stop and say, "hey, she isn't so bad, and will forgive me, and will work on our marriage, and I actually do love her".<P>Of course, I'm not far enough along this road to be real credible, but it all makes sense to me. It is the best you can do under the circumstances, and we need to know that we have tried our best.<P>I can tell you that in the early days of our verbal separation, before I knew about OM, when my wife saw me acting happy, she said the same thing...you seem to be doing fine. I think at that time, OM was so fresh, that really she didn't care how I was. I think that as the A is further along, your happiness will become more of a factor, especially if they fear that the wonderful fantasy life might not be long term.<P>You can always give a card that isn't so mushy, just "thinking of you" kind of things, letting them know that you care, you love them, and leave it at that.<P>I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice.<BR>