A little background...H & I have been married 25 years & have 2 kids, 19 & 22. Seven weeks ago, my H told he's fallen out of love with me and has been seeing another woman for 5 months. She is 15 years his junior w/3 kids and she's currently going thru a divorce. She's the love of his life, makes him feel alive, she's such a good person, etc, etc, etc. When he told me, I told him if he wanted to continue to see her, he'd have to move out. At the time, he said he wanted to see her, but also wanted to get thru the holidays with the family. In those 7 weeks he's had minimal contact with her but continues yearning to be with her. We have been talking almost non-stop about our relationship and we had a wonderful Christmas together. Things seemed almost normal and loving. <P>I was feeling a bit optimistic that there might be some hope for us. I suggested individual and/or couples counselling. He told me he doesn't have a lot of faith in therapy and he's not really interested in trying that route because he's fairly certain he could never recapture his love for me. He wants to be with the OW and the only thing that's keeping him here this long is his fear of what the kids will think of him. After this disclosure, I asked him to leave in January and he agreed he will.<P>What I'd like to know is this...is there any hope for us? Has anyone fallen out of love with their spouse - then fallen back in love? And if there is, what goes on in the mind of the WS? Why did the WS return to H/W? I know that when he's finally with her full time, reality will hit them and there will still be bills to be paid, and he'll have to deal with her kids and the problems with her stbx. But he seems so intent on being with her....he doesn't accept any responsibility for having an affair...blames me for not loving him enough. <P>The pain these past 7 weeks has been so intense. I do not want to get my hopes up for a reconciliation if the chances for one are slim. Considering my H's feelings for the OW, I can't see him coming back to me, but I was wondering how often it happens and if it is successful. I want to get counselling for myself to help me deal with my feelings of rejection and abandonment, but I wish he would also get counselling to help him see that he has some responsibility in this. <P>Thanks for listening. I hope someone can give me some answers.

Hi, stonehouse,<P>Yes, it can happen - and does happen. The holidays make it difficult for some of the regulars to spend much time here - but I've been here for 2 years now and I've seen it happen. Unfortunately, I'm still waiting for it to happen for ME, but that's another story! <P>Read everything on this site and check out Dr. Harley's books as well. Infidelity is NOT the end of marriage... <P>Also, check out the marriage movement site ... <A HREF="http://www.marriagemovement.org/html/report.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagemovement.org/html/report.html</A> <P>And the marriage covenant site <A HREF="http://www.covenantmarriage.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.covenantmarriage.com/</A> <P>And the divorce reform site <A HREF="http://www.divorcereform.org/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.divorcereform.org/</A> <P>Hope these resources help... try not to show them to your spouse at the moment - he is probably not ready to read them, and your efforts may be looked upon as trying to "educate" him - which, for some people is a love buster!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

stonehouse,<P>cruise around this site, especially the "just found out" section. You will see that what he is telling you is very typical of what most betrayers say. It's funny in a sad way how much the stories are alike. <P>He can fall back in love with you. It happens and the people in the "recovery" section are doing just that. It takes some a little longer than others but it can work.<P>For yourself, read Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley. It did so much for me when I thought I could not handle another minute of the pain. It will give you direction and a sense of understanding. <P>If you want your marriage, don't give up. You came to the right place. There are many helpful resources by Dr. Harley and the members of this board.<P>take care,<BR>cleo

Yes, I have heard everything that you have heard. I am a MLC survivor. I was married 25 years and separated for 18 months. He didn't love me anymore, no feelings for me, this was my fault that it happened..blah blah blah...Same old song.<P>I would not bring up his leaving again. Let him make that decision. Go to plan A. Do not bring up this ow. She is not the problem only the symtom. Learn as much as you possibly can about MLC.<P>The following is another helpful site that you will find a lot of support from if you do want your marriage to work.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com" TARGET=_blank>www.divorcebusting.com</A>

You have been given some good advice. Don't do anything in anger, come here to vent, there is always someone who has been where you are. WS all tend to think their A is special, if they only knew how many others are just like them maybe they come out of the fog sooner. Good luck, prayers being sent your way, Remember the people here have been where you are & care.