I would love to get some ideas on how to handle this. For those who do not know, after 1 year of no encouraging signs, my H waffled back and for for the last 2 months and finally moved out again right before Christmas. He indicated that he tried to convince himself to work on our marriage because everyone seemed to think he should, but he just couldn't do it -- he said he didn't want to. He doesn't feel that I can make him happy.<P>I know he feels bad about the roller coaster rides he has taken me on the last 2 months so I know even if he starts to have second thoughts again, he won't tell me. He has been politely aloof since leaving this time and I can only assume he has finally started to spend more time with OW (I think there is a chance that his A was only emotional and that they really didn't spend much non-work time together.)<P>So the dilemma is - what to do about the anniversary. I was thinking that I would bake him a pie that he mentioned he liked the last time I saw him and give him a blank card with a handwritten message. But what should the message be? I am kind of in a hybrid plan A/B mode. Any thoughts?

Exhausted, <BR>I had my first consultation with S. Harley. With my anniversary approaching I had asked him how to deal with this.<P>He said I should buy a gift, something small but sentimental. No flowers or balloons, but something that will be a keepsake to H. He also advised a card just saying... thinking of you on our anniversary, I miss you.<P>Another suggestion was for me to call him and invite him out for dinner, of course the answer will be no! so he said to end the conversation lightly and say... " I just thought I would ask if you change your mind the invitation still stands."<P>My anniversary is Jan 30 and I am dreading it. I thought xmas was rough.. Steve also advised not to deliver it yourself but send a courier service to do it..<P>I hope it turns out well for you, If not spend the day remembering the good times. I take out my cards and letters that H gave to me every once in awhile, reading them helps me to remember the true love he once had for me and it actually gives me courage. I know what I am doing is right and I do hope that Love will return someday..<P>My thoughts are with you, make it a special day no matter what.<P>Diana

Exhausted,<P>I will be thinking about you tomorrow. I'm sorry for this whole mess you are in. Mine went by less than 2 weeks ago, and I left her a message on her phone, since she didn't answer, just saying that 6 years ago today was a special day for me and still is, and that I just wanted her to know I was thinking about it. I also left her a card with a scratch loto ticket in it. Put that on my counter because she was over that AM picking up the kids, and since I was flying early for business, she fed them. It was just a thinking of you style card, and I wrote something similar to what I said on the phone. When I got back, the card was still on my counter (opened), and the scratch ticket was scratched. Not sure if she left it on purpose or not. Never heard anything from her about it, but I usually don't when I do something these days.<P>I like the pie idea, and the blank card with a message. You'll have to come up with a message that suits you both. I couldn't say any happy anniversary stuff, because it wouldn't have made sense. You can just let him know how you feel without being too pushy. I know you'll come up with the right thing to do. You have been at this for a long time, and you are amazing. I'm sure he knows that.<P><BR>

Exhausted - Goochy's advice from Steve sounds just right - not too much, not too little. We're with you today, be proud that you're a wonderful person and let us know how it turns out.<P>WAT

Just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you today. Hope it is not to hard.

Hope that your day has been OK. Let us know how things are going.