We left the town we lived and are in the process of moving, then his best friend's wife died. Another friend's father had a heartattack. A niece had a car accident. It seems all things happened one after another. <P>Then this morning, we found out that one of my H's friend's wife was having an A, and she's not coming home at all. The friend is devastated. I'm feeling really sorry for him. When I think about his pain I can feel mine, not as sharp as it used to be but it's still there.<P>Then my H called him. I didn't think it's such a good idea as I wanted to be left alone when I was in the same situation. He called the friend anyway, and gave him his advice. While he's calling him, I couldn't help thinking "who is he giving advice? He is the one who did the awfull thing to me and now he thinks he knows something to help his friend? He doesn't know BS's pain" etc etc...<P>After my H hang up the phone, he told me "he's ok." I know he's not OK. I know he's not going to kill himself, I know he will go to work and his life goes on, I know my H meant that way, but I know he's not just OK inside! My H also told him that "don't feel that you're the blame" meaning BS's not responsible to the A but only WS is, but I know the friend can't help feeling that way, because I couldn't help feeling rejected and unloved for a long time, and it's only been 2 days for him! He didn't even ask for an advice!<P>I was sad and that brought up my own sadness again. At least I could cry a little in front of my H since it's not about us and my H could take it. When we were in the middle of this 6 months ago, everytime I became sad and depressed he withdrew and didn't support me at all. It was the hardest thing, that he didn't support me emotionally. Maybe that's why this is bothering me. He didn't support me when I was in the most painful thing in my life and now he's trying to help someone else in the same situation. Why couldn't you help me then?<P>I know because he couldn't at that time. But all the things he told his friend, makes me think "you know all those answers and why couldn't you help me when I was suffering?"<P>I know I have to trust that if he could help me then, he would have. Maybe he tried to help his friend because he couldn't help me 6 months ago. I just have to talk this out. Trying to write my sadness out of me...

itrust,<P>Just maybe your H learned somethings in the last 6 months. Perhaps more than you realize, and at a deeper level than your realize. That is my guess. Six months ago he might have not reached out to his friend, not realized that it is the WS's choice to have an affair. The good news is he does realize this now.<P>So go easy on yourself, all of these misfortunes and then a friend having an affair is very likely taking a toll on you, that you haven't really realized.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

JustLearning,<BR>Thank you, I finally had a chance to write again.<P>Just like you said, he learned a lot of things and I did too. Maybe I should give him more credit. His friend said to another friend that he was so happy when my H called him. This friend, is the nicest guy I've ever known. I hope he's feeling a little better. I really should tell him to try this forum, but I'm not brave enough to contact him, didn't want to bug him too much... Or should I? I guess so, when I think of how much this forum helped me...<P>To tell you the truth, I was a big fan of you since April... I was so happy that you responded for me Thanks a lot!

itrust, <P>Do you have your friends email, send him the link, or drop a note in snail mail if you don't want to talk to him. <P>I know that I always didn't want to talk to my friends (I cry to easily, over anything) but I loved the notes, the cards, the email.<P>Just my 2 cents.

sing,<BR>I'll send him a note in snail mail. Thanks!

Sing,<P>What an excellent idea. itrust, if you could do that and let him know that your sorry for his misfortune, it will probably help him alot. Just be careful itrust , you are still healing and as a result fairly vulnerable yourself.<P>God Bless,<P>JL