I got a phone call last night from a man looking for my H. I now realize he has called before. This time he says his name is Paul***** . Same last name as OW. <BR>I didn't know she was married with kids! This really threw me for a loop. I was thinking she was single and they were happily having their relationship now that we are seperated. Now it has thrown me back into the wondering about her and trying to figure out what is going on. and I feel like I have been handed a scorce of information.<BR>I feel the need to know who and why and how and when. I have resisted the urge to call him so far. <P>I know it is probably a LB, but I want info. Or should I call my H and tell him her H is calling me? anyone talked to the OP spouse? <P>Lora<p>[This message has been edited by Lora (edited March 03, 2001).]

Lora,<P>Probably I won't be much of help but I will write about myself. OW's H called our(at the time) place several times. But at the time my H told me how manupilative he was, he was threatning her, so I really didn't have good feelings about him. and according to my H he wanted to talk to me(before D day--I'm sure my H was so scared!). Finally when he was out of town he called. But I was very cold to him.. I didn't give any information to him. Now I regret, because I know my H is very manupilative, not only this guy(IF he's really manupilative like my H and OW say). I think it may have helped me dealing with what was going on since my H was hiding so many things and lying. But I will never know. AND yes it will be a huge LB for your H. So I have to ask you this: How important for you to get back with him? I know you want to find out about OW, the status, etc. Is it worth risking? If I were you I would call him, but well, I'm not tyring to save my marriage anymore, so..<P>I hope people come up with good idea..<P>Take care,<P>Meg

OMG!!!!! Lora ... call me on 91 number, I'm home now.<P>Lv,<BR>Jo

Hi Meg,<BR>Thanks for the reply. I don't think you can trust what our spouses say about the OP spouse. After all they must be really bad, to justify the affair, right? Not to mention I think its one of the biggest fears of cheating, lieing spouses. To have the ones they lied to compare notes.<P>I really can't think of what exactly I need to know from him. Its all just details, and yet I think many of you can relate to my strong urge to have some truth from someone.<P>Has anyone done this?<BR>lora

Lora-I just posted nearly the same question here (Any benefit...). Like Meg, I have nothing to lose talking with the OW's H because my H is leaving regardless. Having lived with the pain of his A for the past 2 months, and my willingness to rebuild our marriage, I just wonder if her H would work on their marriage if he knew there was someone else in the picture. I don't know, I can't say that I'm thinking clearly, so I don't really know what to do...hence, my post. But maybe between our two posts, we'll get enough feedback to make a decision! I DO know that my H will be pissed with me if I talk to her H. I hope you'll let us all know what you decide to do.

LOL,<BR>Stonehouse, great minds think alike?<P>I guess I am in a little different siuation, because while I don't have much hope of getting back together, I guess I do harbor a little hope deep down. So I dont really want to make a move that will jepordize that. Because now that I realize there are childern and another H involved, I know thier relationship will never work. So in a way it has given me a little more hope.<P>Talking to him would probably be more for me and my peace of mind then to benifit my marriage. But still....its very tempting<BR>Lora