I am hoping that someone can help me to understand. I cannot anticipate honesty or truth from my H so I am hoping some of you will be more candid.<BR>H had an 18 month affair w/ co-worker. They travelled extensively together, had sex at the office, local hotels and MY HOME. For 4 months, he has lied and lied and then told pieces of truth and then lied, and lied to reveal more truths. So on and so forth.<BR>What I am trying to understand is WHY, a husband with a supporting wife, 2 daughters that adore him, and a very successful business career would put more time into an affair than into working on a marriage he doesn't have any intention of leaving and a wife and family he swears he loves above all else? If he wanted this marriage, why not be honest from D-Day so that every two weeks I am not having to relieve new truths and horrors? How do you proclaim to love your wife as you are preparing to go give another women all the touches, intamacy and sex with more intense passion than you have given your wife in years?<BR>I have asked H for a divorce. The site of him and his presence only consume me with rage...a man who once could make me tingle just by walking in the door at night. I look at him and all I see is all her body parts on his mouth. He took the one thing that was solely mine, he is wonderful techniques, his gentle touches, the safety of his arms wrapped around me and has made them ugly, filthy, meaningless and undesirable...<BR>Why, as men, was it so free to give away and take from us? Why, could the intensity and safety your wives felt in your arms be so unimportant and meaningless? <BR>Everytime I am close to forgiveness new lies come to pass...and the rage and the pain of D-Day are even more intense with each new revelation...can any of you help me to understand...Please, my girls are about to lose thier family, security, home and lives that they had always been told would be there for them...

Dear mis:<P>I am not a wayward husband.<P>I am a betrayed wife. Just like you. And, like you, I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I will never understand. I have given up trying to UNDERSTAND. I've accepted that it makes no sense whatsoever. MY H's AFFAIR WAS STUPID--JUST AS YOUR H'S AFFAIR WAS STUPID.<P>Please re-think what you are about to do. Your decision doesn't only affect your life--but the lives of your daughters.<P>Are you certain that you can't survive this? Are you positive that you can't move ahead? I'm not talking about forgetting. You'll never forget. I'm not even talking about forgiving. You may never forgive.<P>I'm talking about making a decision, not from the heart, but from the head. Will you and your daughters be OK financially? Will it mean you have to change your lifestyle if you divorce? Will it mean you have to move? Will it mean your children have to find a new school?<P>Think...really think, before you decide to boot his butt to the curb.<P>Try to look ahead, past the pain, and into the future. Can you benefit from staying together as a couple? Can your H provide you with material things that would benefit you in the long run?<P>Can you find a way to benefit from your pain? Are you able to allow your fear and pain MOTIVATE you into TRYING?<P>Don't be so ready to give up.<P>Take more. Get more. Don't settle for less than you and your girls deserve. <P>Peace, ~Marie (a 14-month SURVIVOR) <P><P>------------------<BR>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown