<BR>I realize this is a rather lengthy posting, but would really appreciate any of you who would venture to read all of it and respond the best you can.<P>I found out a few weeks ago that my wife has been having an affair with someone she had just met. It turns out that he is the person she walked down the aisle with in a recent wedding we were invited to (rather ironic). <P>We have only been married for seven months but have been together for three and a half years. We do not have any children and do not own any "real" property together.<P>I was one of those naive people who thought that affairs happen in other marriages and that we both shared common values that heavily favored our chances for a lasting, successful marriage. Throughout the course of our relationship, we really had a special relationship. It was one that felt as rock-solid on the inside as it appeared to others on the outside. <P>But obviously there were some unmet needs that my wife felt she could find in the arms of another man. She never relayed any of these desires to me, and I am certainly no mind reader.<P>As a result of this lack of communication, my wife began an affair, which was primarily sexual. She had very little time to spend with her lover and sex had to be all they had time for. Despite their lack of a meaningful relationship, my wife has chosen to turn her back on the life that she shared with me.<P>The real kicker for me is that I am truly an honest, loving, sensitive person who cares for her so much more than she ever knew. I expressed my love at almost every opportunity, but words can only say so much. Her lover, from what I have seen and heard from others, and with my own eyes, is a class-A jerk. Nobody that knows my wife (me, her parents and sibling, my family, etc.) understands where any of this is coming from. They all say that one day she'll realize what a gigantic mistake she has made. Unfortunately, she is so infatuated with her lover, she is unable to see beyond what instant gratification lies ahead for her today.<P>Maybe I was too safe for her or too conservative. It doesn't do much good to speculate now. She has made a very definate decision that she wants a divorce from me and I am afraid she has not given this life-changing decision the careful thought it deserves. I think she is too engulfed by her emotions to do any rational, cognitive thinking.<P>She has been extremely distant and callous towards me since I found out about the affair. I believe this is a defense mechanism to keep herself from facing the reality of what she has done. She is doing anything and everything to justify her inexusable actions. I know that she feels very guily for what she's done to me, especially after I have treated her so well, but it doesn't seem to be enough to make her want to reconcile with me. <P>I just want to get through to her so badly and have her come to grips with her emotions and actions. I am worried that she is so lost right now that even if she comes to her senses later on down the road, it may be way too late to salvage our marriage. <P>I am looking for any advice or answers from people who have been down the same road I am walking right now. It doesn't matter to me if you're an unfaithful partner of a hurt partner. If you have some insight you feel would be helpful, please respond to my posting.<P>I am also new to the internet and to this web sight, so please abbreviate as little as possible because I may not be able to understand it if you do.<P>Thank you for taking the time to respond to such a lengthy posting. It is greatly appreciated.
