I decieded to not call OW H and instead to call my H. I told him OW H had been calling here and it scared me. He said he talked to him, and that he was trying to break it off with her!!!!!<P>I told him I wanted a relationship with him, but I didn't want to be involved in the drama with him and OW and her H.<P>He suggested maybe we could go out to dinner after I got back from my trip to Arizona! He said he came by the house and thought he would work on the computer, but I had the door locked and he guesses that is understandable. I just said I want to feel safe in my own home.<P>We chatted!!!!! <P>Now I have more to be scared about... can I keep my expectations down? Can I fogive? Can he communicate?? <P>But who can beleive that he may be coming out of the fog?<P>Lora<BR>

Lora,<P>This is good news. It must be scary when things seem to suddenly change. Unfortunately, I don't have any experience in the fog clearing phase. Glad that you chatted together and things look brighter.

Lora - hope for the best, but be prepared for less. You deserve some positive signs.<P>Good luck!<P>WAT

Good for you! Let your hope sail for awhile. You deserve it. Then figure out what YOU would need for your marriage to work again. My H has come in and out of the fog many, many times over the last 2 months and I regret that I have met him more than half way. I wish I had slowed us down and set more conditions the last time he moved hoome for a week. Therefore, my advice to you is to do a lot of talking before you make any commitments like him moving home etc. Good Luck!!!

Hoo-freaking-ray!!<P>It's not a definite, but it sure sounds promising. Boy, would I love for you to be a Plan B success story. Thanks for sharing this, Lora, I needed some good news.<P>In December alone, we've had:<P>1) one cat euthanized (heart disease/kidney failure)<P>2) one husband laid off<P>3) Other cat in end stages of kidney failure<P>4) Old car died and taking on of car payments (before layoff)<P>5) Stepdad passed away yesterday.<P>And there's still a few hours left in December. I'm not leaving the house.<P>So I needed some good news. Please keep us posted. I'm rooting for you.

Rick and WOT,<BR>Thanks I feel I desearve some change too. Limbo is a hell of a place to reside for very long isnt it?<P>Exahsted,<BR>Thanks for the advice. I will try to heed it. I guess I have been so focused on this phase for so long, that I need to think more about what recovery involves. I hope I can take it slow and aviod the rebounding. I do not think H will ever change jobs and he works with OW, so there is alot to talk about before this is a success story.<P>Dazed,<P>I am so sorry about all your losses this month. Isnt it horrible that things all seem to happen at the same time. Bad things that is, I never hear about people having that many good things happen all at once. I know how much you loved your stepfather and the cats too. How is your mother taking it?<P>Glad I made you feel a little better. <BR>I always felt I was a bit of a failure because I was not able to prevent his affair from getting so intense, when I think it was just a friendship to start. Maybe your mentoring did some good after all.<P>I feel the same way about this year.. ready for it to be over, and out. I never beleived I would end it on a positive note tho.<BR>Lora<P>

Dear Lora!<P>Hip, hip, hooray!<P>I posted over to you in recovery too.<P>Let us know when your H's affair is officially OVER. We'll all join hands and sing, "ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST, and another one's gone, and another one's gone, another one BITES THE DUST!"<P>Okay, so I grew up in the 70s listening to Queen . <P>Music is an awesome MOTIVATOR. Turn it up and let loose...it's time to celebrate some good news!<P>WE WILL... WE WILL... ROCK YOU!<P>Rock on Lora! Peace, ~Marie<P>------------------<BR>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown

Marie,<BR>LOL, well, I am of the same age group so your song cracked me up. I guess I will have to stop singing the angry Cher song about Do you beleive in life after love, and turn to something more positive.<P>I know it is only a baby step in the right direstion and it scares me a little.<P>Lora

Lora,<P>Just asked on my thread how you were doing and this answers my questions. How wonderful to see this!<P>Good luck and take things slowly. I agree with Exhausted - you need a plan. See what your H is willing to do to beging the work of reconciliation.<P>Starpony

Nice one - I hope he sees ythe light - but definately take a look at what you want as well - now you are talking about the future, decide together how you would both like it 2b, and see if you can get it.<P>It's great to hear that ther is a possible reconciliation in the offing, I needed to hear that my perserverance (if I can take the pressure), might pay off - and that the fog might clear.<P>Good luck.

Starpony,<BR>Well, so far its just dinner, not a lifelong commitment. Oh I forgot, we already did that LOL<P>McBroon,<BR>I totally had given up hope that their affair would end. But like the books say, it appaers it is ending right on schedual.. just before 2 years.<P>We will have to see what that means to our relationship. But at least I feel like we have a chance now that he will talk to me.<BR>Lora

Hi Lora:<P>This really is encouraging isn't it...after no contact for so long. I have admired your ability to withstand this withdrawal. Your H eventually has been getting some real experience in living with OW. Probably just what he needed. <P>Please go cautiously, however, because experience has taught me that there could still be many rocky roads ahead. What is important is that things are not going smoothly for him either...and the end of the A apparently is right on schedule.<P>Go out to dinner with him...you need to gauge where he is...but take it slow...and make him understand that things have changed for you too...and you are not willing to go back either. You have made a good start though with your faithfulness during this last few months. If you are like me...you have grown and changed through all this and he needs to acknowledge that change at some point...even if only to himself. Give him some time...and don't get discouraged if things don't go smoothly. Remember, keep your expectations low and you'll never be disappointed. <P>Perhaps it's a crack in the wall...give time a chance to widen it.<P><BR>Angels and Prayers ~ Faye

Sure is good to hear from you Faye,<P>I know. I had a day of being excited and hopeful, but now I need to lower my expectations and face reality. I wouldn't be really surprized if he doesn't actually call me to schedual this dinner. I need to start preparing for that possibility.<P>But, geeze it was music to my ears to hear first of all that OW has a H and kids, and then that things were not all rosey in affairworld. I have been patient for a long time without much hope. I had visions of them dating and happy now that I was out of the picture. I needed something to keep me going.<BR>Lora

Great news Lora!!! This is an inspiration to my hopes. You will keep us posted, right??? (I love going out to dinner - post what you had to eat too, ok?

stonehouse,<BR>Well, dont hold your breath. We talked about 2 weeks from now, so it won't be soon.<BR>But I promise a blow by blow of the food, conversation and every hidden meaning I can analyze <BR>Lora

Lora, Are you gonna be sitting on the edge of your chair for 2 weeks? Are you thinking about what you're going to say? Thinking of all the scenarios so you'll be prepared? I'll be thinking about you-keeping a good thought for you!

LOL, actually I think I will just revile in the thought that he wants to talk to me. Before we actually do it and mess everything up.<BR>Lora

Lora, you're not gonna mess everything up. Just keep it cool and friendly and see where it goes from there. Hopefully there will be a lot of chit-chat to loosen you up before you 2 start talking about anything serious. Keep an open mind (& heart & ear)

Lora,<BR>Good thing that you decided to not calling the OW's H because you don't know what he will do or say to you. I think your H is coming out of the fog a little. I could be a wake up call for him. I'm happy to see a positive thing going on for you. At least you see a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel, but be careful and go slow on this and think positive. Other wise you can't forgive him.<P>Good luck.<P>OOOO

Lora Great News!<P>I would suggest that maybe you should consider playing by "The Rules" for awhile.<P>I H thinks he can waltz back any old time, it may take him longer to come around than if you didn't look all that available. He also might slip into wanting you for his best friend.<P>You have to be you, of course, but plan in advance how you will handle renewed contact.<P>On the other hand, you get the feeling he really wants to come home and/or work on your marriage, then make it easy and safe.<P>Take care!