Ok I found out last night when H brought D home that OW came with him. I am not hapy about this and feel I deserve more respect then this. Here is what I said to him when he brought S home today.........<P>I said hey can you do me a favor? I would really appreciate it when we are doing Kid transactions that you do not bring her to my home. It makes me very uncomfortable. I am sorry that you do not understand how I feel about this but it is my home and I would like to be treated with a little more respect...<P>He got all mad and said... Ya know I had a really good weekend and every time I have to bring the kids home I have to deal with this crap.. He cursed and me and left. JERK!!!!!!<P>I feel I was standing up for myself, I did not do it in a mean angry way. I was calm and stated my feelings.<P><BR>I also found out through the wire that OW has been giving him money( He is Broke) she pays for all the outings on the weekend when he has the kids and transfers monry into his account. IDIOT!!! I also heard that he lashes out at her the same way he did me and talks to her in a very sarcastic way. Gee he hasn't changed a bit. Looks like all is not so cheery on the home front. OW is also bringing her computer over to his house. This is going to be interesting he had a major addiction to the comp when he was here.<P>I cannot believe 2 months into this A he is already acting so normal. Guess things are getting to him..<P>One last thing I find this amusing.. My son has been breaking out in hives, itching all the time and he has sores on him, he wakes up in the middle of the night and cannot go back to sleep. I told my H this he said it was just dry skin and because of the weather change.. Well!!!!! He tells OW that my son has been having this condition since he H moved out and that it is his nerves.. DUHHHHH!!! He (H) also got in a really bad mood after the conversation.<P>All around it sounds like issues are starting to arise YIPPIE!!!!!<P>I wonder how long she will want to pay his way and be treated like crap... He also got caught in a lie with my son and now my son is mad at him... What a jerk..<P><BR>Diana

When I see all your information, I don't think fantasyland will last a long time for your H and OW. But who knows. Your Hs reaction is the typical one. First time I found out my wife had OM around my kids, I told her what I thought. That was something she was always adamant about for anyone getting separated/divorced...never taking anyone new around them for at least a year, and only when it was a sure thing. She went ballistic and made me out to be the bad person, saying "see, that is why I can't spend time at home...bla bla bla". I wouldn't worry about this event with H. He just feels guilty and the grass isn't so green.<P>Wait till the computer kicks in. I'm sure we'll be posting again soon!<P>By the way, you only stated your feelings, valid ones, so I say don't worry about it. LBs are determined by the receiver of the speech, so nothing you can do about how he receives it. You said what you had to. Others might disagree, but when it involves our kids, sometimes it has to be said. As long as it is calm.<p>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited December 31, 2000).]

Diana - I think you behaved admirably. Yup, there are limits, and he passed yours. Good for you. Stand your ground and demand respect. Only an LB for a few minutes, then it sounds like OW took over.<P>Be strong!<P>WAT

my h did the same thing with bringing ow here. I told him he needed to show more respect for me than that, his replied, he had the most respect forme and will never do it again, and it hasn't happen yet. I hear about them fighting to. The last time my kids were there they fought, which i was totally against and he called his mom and was crying and saying that all he wanted was one day nice with his kids and also he got wing from my daughter that another man helped get our tree and decorated the house and he was up till in the morning thinking about another man taking his family. i wish this would all end. i just don't know what to think.<BR>darleen

I actually thought about calling him and apologizing to him basically saying this...<P>I am sorry for the confrontation this afternoon. I did not mean for it to make you uncomfortable, and I hope in time that you will be able to understand my feelings.I do not wish to argue with you about this any further But I feel I have to stand up for myself and my feelings...<P>Diana

Personally, I would just not bring it up again. You did what you had to do, and if you remained calm, then it is his problem. What does anyone else think. Having said that, I've apologized knowing full well I wasn't the one that should, and it has scored a love bank unit before. Further magnifies the guilt sometimes. Better wait till you get more opinions, because today was a weird day for me.

Diana,<BR>I think what you did was perfect and not a LB<BR>You can express your feeling in a respectful way.<P>But, I dont think they can hear you when they are in the affair. You have to wait for it to end a little more before he can remember you are not the worst person in the world ( while OW is perfect of course.)<P>Today for the first time my H thanked me for the Xmas present. He hasnt said thank you to me in 2 years since this affair started. It may seem like a little thing, but it felt like he could see me again.<P>But you have to keep up your respect for yourself and make him know where your bounderies are. That is not a LB.<P>The plan is to keep yourself growing and strong and wait for your H and OW to self destruct. Sounds like they are well on their way. <BR>Lora

Yes it sounds like he very early on in their A is still acting as his usual self, however I have a feeling this OW is gonna sit back and take it. She was in an 8 yr relationship were the guy cheated on her all the time. She obviously has som issues. Oh well let him use her to keep himself going. She may get tired of it. Hopefully sooner then later. So I guess that is 2 people opposing me calling him to apologize.... I am just so tired of everytime I speak to him it is likle I am some god awful B!@#H!. He makes me feel that way and I know it is due to his own guilt and unhappiness. Just makes it very hard to say anything to him, but this is what was taking place in our marriage I thought it was because of his drinking but it looks like he is this angry in sobriety as well.. Oh well Let her deal with it....<P>Diana

don't call him. you did nothing wrong. there is no way you should have to have the OW at your house, it is bad enough that she is around your kids.