He was supposed to be home yesterday afternoon. He never called (I guess he REALLY doesn't want to speak to me) and never came home. I don't know where he is or what's going on - I'm praying nothing happened to him.<P>The sad thing is that I can't call anyone in his family now that they've heard the tape and know what I've done. I'm sure he's been in touch with one of them.<P>I spent last night crying my eyes out (which is what I've done every night since d-day, Dec. 20) and praying that the phone would ring. I left a message on his cell phone and asked him to please call me, but he didn't.<P>Before he left for Florida, at least we were talking to each other. Now he doesn't want to speak to me at all, which I don't think is a good sign.<P>OMG, what am I going to do?????<BR>

Susie,<P>As tough as this is, all you can do is wait. You know from what everyone has said to you that what happens in the "short term" is unpredictable, but in the medium to long term, he'll talk to you. Divorces rarely unfold quickly, and the freshness of this is causing him to react this way. I really feel for you, but you have to just keep reading here, keep venting, but understand that he'll be in touch with you.<P>Wait till you hear what is going on before concluding anything. Keep us posted and you know we are thinking about you. Just look at all us BS that got over the initial shock and are waging these long battles to win back our spouses that are currently living it up with the OP.<P>Hang in there.

Susie - We are with you. I think the only thing you can do is wait and pray. You've left a message so he knows you're waiting. You have no choice but to give him time. If you have to leave the house, leave a message. He has to come eventually. Possibly he's in a nearby hotel. When does he go back to work? Does he have wrok stuff there that he needs? Forgive my rambling. Just wait and know we're here for you. Keep posting unless it ties up your phone.<P>WAT

Susie,<P>When I was hopeless and helpless, I have said the Serenity Prayer over and over and over. <P>God, grant me the serentiy to accept the things *I* cannot change; the courage to change the things *I* can; and the wisdom to know the differance.<P>Say it, over and over until you begin to see something. One day as I was driving in my car, I think I said it for 40 minutes straight! Once you begin to internalize it, things begin to happen. You begin to have hope instead of hopelessness.<P>It really is quite simple. You say you can't call your mother-in-law. Why not? What is she going to do to you? You can't save your face and you butt at the same time. You care about your H, so, you just are wondering where he is. We tend to put so much emphasis on what other people are thinking or doing, when we really have no idea what is going on!<P>Your H is hurt beyond belief. He is just trying to make sense of what has happened. You are only assuming the worst. I may be wrong, but I understand where you are coming from. I have been there. <P>I wish your H would have come home to you Susie, I really feel for you. Just say that prayer, and get some courage.<P>Keep us updated!<BR>PJ

Thanks for the responses, everyone. I'm really losing it here.<P>My H is supposed to go to work tomorrow, but I don't know if that's changed. All his clothes, his briefcase, even his car are here, so I'd think he'd have to come home eventually. It's going to be another day of waiting and hoping.<P>The reason I can't call anyone in his family is b/c they all listened to that tape and they know EVERY DETAIL of my EMA. They're furious (understandably) with me for hurting my H and I know them well enough to know they wouldn't give me any information as to his whereabouts.<P>I'll definitely try the serenity prayer; however, I've been praying so much that I'm sure He's getting tired of listening to me already.<P>I'm so lucky to have found all of you . . . your'e helping to save what little is left of my sanity. Thanks so much.

Susie,<BR>I feel bad for you both. This is very hard. Try to hold onto some hope. Your H is going through the hardest thing he's ever had to deal with. <P>His feelings will fluctuate between, shock, anger, depression, sadness - he will sometimes feel as if he is losing his mind. He will, though, have moments when he will think of you and the love you've shared. He will question what is real. He will struggle with the humiliation and shame. This is an extremely tough one for us men. <P>I know when I was younger I felt that the way to get over a heartbreak was to get drunk, and get another woman. You're right to be concerned that he is away with people who might reinforce that. Maybe you can get ahold of him, or he will call, or come over. If so, tell him you didn't mean any of the things you said on that tape. It will be a major thing for you to overcome. My W wrote some things that still are real stumbling blocks to our recovery. Don't be afraid to talk about what you've done. It will be all he can talk about for a while. You can't protect him - he already feels as bad as can be. Just say you were wrong, you love him - many times a day.<P>If he doesn't come over - then write him. I'd try to let him know how you feel somehow. If he stays away long enough, and drinks, or starts up with another woman, it may get worse before it has a chance to get better.<P>Susie, you're in a situation right now that is kind-of out of your control. Sorry to say, but it is of your own making. No matter what happens you're going to have to heal yourself. Take a close look at what you believe about right, and wrong, and how you've fallen short. Learn to accept yourself, and begin to live life in an honest way. It's the only real path to self-esteem. I think you've learned that As are not the way. I'm praying for you..<BR>Dave

The waiting and not knowing must be so hard. In a way, your H probably knows that and is using it as a way of asserting himself and making it clear how badly you've hurt him. Try to look at this as something you are doing for him, waiting at home while he calls the shots and gets to be the focus of attention. He deserves it!<P>I know this won't take away any of your pain, but from my BS perspective, I would give anything to have my WS reacting like you. Your H will talk to you again -- there is no question about that. Hopefully he will gain some perspective with time and hopefully counseling that will help him see that your reaction to the A gives you guys a great chance to rebuild your marriage.

Exhausted, you're so right about the waiting and not knowing - I'm losing my mind. I've never cried this much in my entire life. Then again, I've never done a more terrible thing in my entire life.<P>I can't shake the feeling that he's NOT going to speak to me and that this week I'll be served with divorce papers.<P>I know that sounds crazy, but that's how I feel right now . . . like I'm not going to even have a chance to tell him how sorry I am and how much I love him.

Susie,<P>You been give some good advice, listen to it. Most likely your H will not serve you with divorce papers, he might but unlikely. He most likely feels as if he has been kicked in the heart by a mule. I know when my H 1st told me he wanted to leave me, I lost 20 lbs in a week, then when I found out about the OW, I went numb. There were lots of things I wanted to do to him but I very rarely acted with out thinking 1st.<P>Your H is luckier than most of us on here are, you want to work it out, your A was just EA (I think), easier to get over than a PA.<P>Hang in there, prayers being sent your way. <BR>I know what you mean that you feel that God might be tried of listening to you, but we know he won't be. YOu might try finding the bk The power of the prayering wife. it is helping me.

Susie, it will b hard waiting, but you can't do anything but....<P>I would agree with the letter - put your thoughts down on paper, and send it to him - take time to get it right, and be honest. Having it in front of him will give him time to think about what you have said, and what you want, and it might help you get it all out of your head. I did, and it helped me understand what i was feeling by reading through it.<P>Ring him Mum if you feel able - to put your mind as rest, and show them you still care.<P>Good luck.

Susie,<P>Here is my 2 cents.<P>Please don't let your feelings of guilt immoblize you. If you want your marriage fight for it. Read on this board and plan A him. Let him know you are in this for the long haul, willing to work on your marriage and that you love him. Don't give up and say ,well, he can never forgive me so I might as well let him go.<P>Look at some of us betrayed spouses here, waiting a long time for some positive sign in our marriages. Willing to go without our needs being met for a long time. If you want your marriage, you need to become the strong one right now. You can not say, well I did this so he has to show me if he still wants our marriage or not. You need to show him you want your marriage, and show him for awhile. Its hard. But people have recovered after alot worse. Good luck,<BR>lora