My wife still living with OM, Kids go back and forth. Has not said one word about Divorce (hearing in March), in 6 weeks. We have been writing out bills together and taking care of expenses. This was one area I always left up to her. Then spend more than I should have because I didn't know how much was there. We talk 2-5+ times a day. She has bent over backwards to make things easier for me. Made large deposit to cover car repairs. Seams to be testing the waters to see about moving home again. OM's house is sold and he needs to move out next month. She really doesn't seem to want to move with him. i get the feeling she needs to know if it will be safe to move here. I guess I'll know all the answers soon enough.<BR>Today she let me hold her and kiss her, she hugged back. She told me she's been crying everyday. Seams worried about how my family(half of them are rude, crude and mean)would treat her. I told she does't ever have to see them again. Her family does'nt know she's not living here. She has let them think we're back together, I have had to cover so they don't find out. Seams to like people thinking we're together. Is warmer towards me for past month. I guess I will just have to wait and see.

Daniel,<BR>It sound like your wife is coming back, but wants to be assured from you that you would be there for her if her in-laws don't want her back. She wants to feel safe with you again and wants to trust you to help her with her problem. I know she felt sad about the OM's suicidal attempted. She might think that it also partly her fault to get involve with him and to abandon him. It will take a while for her to get over with and it will also take a while for the OM to get over with with your wife also. I hope the OM would leave her alone and let her be with you to start a new life together again. Just tell her that it is you who will be with her, not her in-laws. And it is your decision to welcome her back. I'm happy for you. Keep doing what you're doing. I think there is a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel for you there. But be a little careful this time how to handle her and her situation with the OM. Good luck.<P>OOOO

Thanks for your reply,I will be more careful. He was told to change jobs if he could, is looking in paper for new job. Maybe he'll move away. She says even after he sells his house he will just break even. She has been paying to stay there. He owes her money. Doesn't seem like he will be able to pay. I told her not to worry about it. She said she should be paid back. I told her to do what she thinks is best. After all it is her money. At times she is openly angry at him, tries not to show it. Seems like she is biding time till he moves. Afraid to tell her it's not her problem to babysit him but think that is LB at this point. I will know so much more in 2-3 weeks. I can be patient that long. My wife has even suggested we move away when our house sells. I told her we could talk it over and see what would be best. I know most men would feel furious at her for being there but I think she took it too fast coming back and now she saw his true colors. I think if I can be there for her now, like I have been< she'll be back for good. If not I have my answer, Plan B. .D.<P>have to learn to proof read before posting.<p>[This message has been edited by Daniel (edited January 02, 2001).]

Daniel - Just try to be supportive - the signs seem good, and if you love her as much as your posts intimate, show it by being a friend. Anything negative about the OM might be seen as LBing, she's likely to defend him and that would push her away. I would also be wary about making too much DIRECT effort to get her back with you right now - the best time for her to come is in her own time.<P>Do as you are doing & I wish you good luck.

McBroon, Thanks for the encouragement. I do need to let it take it's course. If she decides to comeback on her own without pressure from me it will help us both reconcile. It's not easy to wait here but I have seen it as, when she makes her choice my choice is decided. She has the decision to make. I made the choice to welcome her back and work on our marriage if she comes back. She is much more considerate of my feelings now. Uses "we" alot more than in past.<BR>Seems just about ready to come back. I have to be very careful now. Can't push but am still letting her know I miss her.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Daniel (edited January 06, 2001).]

I'm concerned about the title of this thread. I got into real trouble by "pushing" too much, even when I just thought I was being myself and stating my preferences, etc. Be very careful about a pushing attitude. In many cases, that is what causes women to leave.<BR>Now that she's back, I'm extremely careful, and even then the results are too slow. But the D word is not being used.<BR>R