For everyone going through this infidelity crap, do not talk to, or correspond with someone of the opposite sex. You will be sorry.<P>My W and I were separated for a long time. During that time I mostly plan a'd, I tried to improve myself, I tried to meet the needs that she would let me. The whole time she was gone, I never dated or even thought about dating. The only women I corresponded with were here, and none of them one on one.<P>She came home several months ago. When she first got home, things were okay, she was in withdrawal, but she wasn't seeing him. After a couple of weeks she started talking to him again and she saw him a few times. At that point I decided that recovery was going to be too hard and so I quit. I couldn't bring myself to kick her out again right away though, but neither did I want to be with her the way she was. At night, after she went to bed, I got on the computer and started surfing chat rooms. I had never done this before. It was a <B>huge</B> mistake. I met three women that I started chatting with on a regular basis. I had phone conversations with all three of them. I started looking for excuses to make my W move out again.<P>The problem was I wanted to stay married, but not if she was still 'in love' with someone else. She told me several times she was still in love w/OM. I didn't want to deal with this. I began to question whether or not I should have let her come home. That's when the chatting began. It did not take long for it to progress to strong feelings of friendship and even a bit more. One lady in particular, I have hurt more than I thought possible. I re-read our e-mails and the progression from casual acquaintance to close friend to possible romantic involvement is transparent.<P>Now that my W and I seem to be on the right track with our recovery, we have broken off contact. Suddenly, I'm in withdrawal. Suddenly, this person with whom I've shared so much emotional closeness with is gone. This is an area where my W and I had problems and now I am forced to recapture these feelings with my W. It is a very scary situation, not knowing whether or not it's possible. I guess now I know how she felt when she came home.<P>The bottom line is, if you truly hope to recover your marriage don't put yourself in situations where you might compromise your goal. Don't let your friends introduce you to someone, don't call your old flame, and be very careful of your computer, it can get you into a lot of trouble.<P>Separation is hard, plan a and b are hard. But not nearly as hard as having your spouse come home after a long separation and then you getting involved with someone else. If you want to meet other people, fine. Resolve your current relationship, get divorced, and move on. If you want to stay married, don't do what I did. <BR>
