Hi, everyone! Yesterday was a good day for H and I - we talked a lot and since the books came, we had a look at them. We're going to start reading them right away.<P>My H is seeing the counselor later, which is a positive step. The only concern I have is that he's taking the tape with him. I know when he listens to it, it's going to upset and hurt him all over again - but he feels the counselor should hear it. I asked him to please remember one thing . . . what is on the tape is past history - OVER, DONE, FINISHED.<P>I know it's too soon for him to feel even a little trusting, but I'm going to make sure he never has to worry again. I feel so ill over what I've done . . . I would NEVER do anything like that again.<P>Please keep your fingers crossed for him that hearing the tape again doesn't cause him a major setback.<P>I'm looking forward to the day that he feels comfortable enough to burn it.<BR>

Susie,<BR>It's nice to hear you and H are OK. Your H is going to be a little obsessed with that tape for a while. He wants the counselor to hear it because he wants him to know the depth of his pain. He feels extremely vulnerable, and wants the counselor to be on his "side". In time, your H will put the tape away and never listen to it. I hope the counselor will help him with this. <P>I really like your posts Susie - you sound just like my W. We struggled through a very rough unraveling of her EMRs. Now, at 4 months we're starting to make some real progress, and I can see the time when we'll be happier than ever. Keep up the attitude you show us here and you'll be OK.<BR>Dave

Hey Susie - Don't worry too much about the tape. I agree with Davidb - I think he just wants the counselor to get the full picture.<P>I just wanted to say hang in there, try not to worry too much right now. I'm glad you used taking the tape to the counselor to reinforce that the Affair is done, finished, history. Just keep making those kind of reassurances - along with telling him how much you love him - whenever you can.

I agree. He will need LOTS of reassurances that the affair is really over. I know, I still ask my wife almost every day. She also takes care to give me those reassurances and tells me she loves me every chance she can (even without me asking).<P>It helps. It really helps!<P>-HD

I understand your H's situation. My W had an EA (phone sex once too) with a man she worked with. She has since decided to stay, but has been unable to put a final end to things with OM as he has been out of town.<P>I am quite nervous about it and although she is more honest than almost anyone I know, I still worry that she won't end it.<P>It will be a while before I am able to totally trust her. She has opened up to me somewhat, but I am still doing most of the work. Show him that you are working hard too. This would really help me.<P>I feel like in a couple of months with a proven track record, I will be able to trust her more fully. I really want to.<P>Bill