Jim,<P>I read your post containing the sample plan B letter entitled "Plan B Isn't for Wimps" and I have a concern. You have a section there that states something about "eliminat(ing) any negative explanations to family an friends". Just what is that supposed to mean.?<P>My wife is involved in an EA with another woman. This OP is not only my wife's best friend and boss, but is also considered by my two daughters, 9 and 14, to be somewhat of an aunt. The way I see this, the two of them have not only betrayed me, but my daughters as well. <P>My wife has informed me that she will be moving out very soon. This OP has also moved out. They intend to keep separate abodes and never tell anyone else of their relationship. This is an illusion because people will find out.<P>I believe at some point my kids must be told about this. God forbid they find out from someone else other than a parent. The added sense of betrayal would destroy them.

When I said don't bring in "family"...<BR>...I was referring to <B>your</B> parents/siblings, and your W's parents/siblings...<P>...this does <B>not</B> include your children!<P>Communication with your children this time has to be increased... and clarified.<P>They <B>must</B> know that <B>you</B> will not leave them...<BR>...that they will be loved by both of you<BR>...that they can talk to you any time!<P>You <B>can</B> bring up moral issues...<BR>...and set them straight on it.<P> <P>Jim

Jim,<P>Thanks for your response.<P>But here's the problem. We are a very close knit family. My daughters are extremely attached to both sets of grandparents. Since all four are still together and within minutes of our home, they see them quite often. Both grandmothers have actually provided regular free child care and have done an outstanding job of it for many years. In short, my daughters trust them implicitly.<P>If my girls are informed of the truth, there would be no way they would keep anything secret from the grandparents. Both daughters have already talked to them and have asked questions that they are afraid to ask my wife and I. I have told my daughters that they can come to me with any questions or concerns they might have. My wife has done the same. The problem is that my wife's version of the truth will be completely different from mine. She does not want the kids to know about the affair. She just wants this to appear as Mommy and Daddy having differences and separating. I believe they have to know the truth. This OP is well known and loved (until recently...even kids have some intuition) by them. My wife even has the nerve to believe thing s should go on the same between this OP and out daughters. If the kids find out the truth weeks or months from now from someone else, I can't imagine the level of betrayal that they are going to feel!<P>The other thing is, as far as siblings and even my parents go, they already know. Or should I say they already knew. You have to remember that this OP has been a close family friend. My wife, without my objections because I totally trusted her, has brought her to many family functions such as birthdays and the like. She has mentioned the times she spent with the OP several times to my parents and immediate family. As soon as my wife and I agreed to tell everyone that we were having problems, everyone in my family knew why. I never had to tell them. They could see it in my face.<P>Anyway, I plan to cover this tomorrow with Steve in our session again. Things are starting to come to a head here because my wife is very close to moving out. Thanks again for your response. If there is anyone else out there with a similiar situation, I'd also appreciate hearing how you handled it.