Has anyone had difficulty trying to rebuild their marriages due to their in-laws?<P>My H's family is understandably upset with me for what I've done, and I'm concerned about how their feelings toward me may impact our recovery.<P>Any advice/opinions would be appreciated. Thanks!<BR>

I guess I would quit borrowing trouble. Today has quite enough for you. Today you are loving your husband and working on rebuilding what was lost. Today you are taking steps to meeting your spouse needs and learning about Plan A so that you will become a better person. Anxiety and worry rob you of precious time that you can use in your rebuilding process. <P>Jesus said in Luke 12:22 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? [26] Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?<P>Love your man today, rebuild the marriage today, work on yourself today.

I agree with SueB, Suzie, you've enough on your plate.<P>Maybe though, you could talk over your concerns with your H, and he could explain how you both feel, and ask for their help rebuilding your relationship too.<P>Asking for help from someone is a very powerful tool - you should use this to at least stop them punishing you visibly.<P>Then, when you feel OK, maybe consider telling them yourself that you are genuinely sorry for the pain you've caused. They will see you are genuine, and if they love their son, they will help him acheive what he wants - a good life with you.<P>As an aside, and your thoughts would help me here - my WS is asking herself now whether to tell her folks about what she has done. Did you tell yours, and if so how soon - What did they say, and did it help or hinder your own thought processes?<P>When did your H tell his, and what did they do?<P>I havn't told my folks yet, they will be devastated (if I do tell, I will tell them about my affair 4 yrs ago too), but I can't see how telling them will help. Yes it might help me, as they are a superb source of support for anything, but if we reconcile, my W will feel they hate her, and ehat good will that do?<P>Should we tell or not? What do you think Susie?<P>McB.

I would only tell if you think it will help.<P>I told my mother when the PA began. She didn't approve and told me so, but you know how mothers are - she'd support me if I were an axe murderer.<P>My H told his family (mother and both sisters) on d-day, then flew down to Florida to spend the holidays with his mother.<P>If you think revealing this information to your families would cause trouble, maybe you should wait and just try to work on your marriage - you may never need to tell them.

I think that if and your H throw yourselves into working on your marriage and start to make headway, your in-law problem will take care of itself. They no doubt just want to see your H happy again and if he is, forgiveness for you will come naturally.<P>I can understand you thinking about this issue now, but it is not the right time to deal with it. It could appear selfish to your H that you are more worried about how you look etc. than his feelings or his need for support from his family.<P>Remember, you are in a period right now when it is very important to validate your H's pain and anger so focus on that, not the in-laws. Good Luck!

Hi,<P>I guess you really can not ever worry about what people think. Worry about healing the relationship.<P>Tony cheated on me a lot. In fact at some point his family has really helped him cheat on me. I told his family just because I got tired of being blamed for everything that happened in the relationship. It did not help. I am still the root of all evil. I just do not spend any time with them any more. I really have only seen them about five times this year. If I could never see them I would be happy. <P>I know you worry but you can never change what they think. You only have control over you and your actions. So since you want the marriage and see the affair for what it is a mistake work on you to show your H you are serious about the marriage. Your actions will show them you are serious only if they want to see that. <P>I hope I am not being negative. I just have had no luck with his family and I guess I am biased by that. So maybe take my advice with a grain of salt.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Susie7753:<BR><B>My H's family is understandably upset with me for what I've done, and I'm concerned about how their feelings toward me may impact our recovery.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hey, they didn't want him to marry you from the beginning, right? And even after fleeing to them with the tape, he came back to you, right? I'm not impressed with their influence on his marital decisionmaking.<P>If I were you, I would focus all my energy on my husband like a laser right now. Anything that takes your eye off the ball on that mission is detrimental.<P>Mike<P><BR>