Hello everyone,<P> I have been mostly lurking for awhile now. H and I have been working on our recovery for a couple of months now. The problem is I feel like I`M working on our recovery alone. H says he is not comfortable meeting my needs. Mostly affection and sex. Steve reccommened that H call when he is leaving work to make me feel more secure. He calls twice a day at lunch and before leaving. That part is great, I love getting his calls. I especially like the lunch call because that one he did on his own (without Steve`s advice). He feels that he IS doing a good job at meeting my needs. I have tried to talk to him and let him know that I need more than I am getting. He says it will be easier when his feelings for me return, ok but, he thinks he will wake up one day and he will love me again. He is waiting for his feelings to return instead of working on them. What am I suppose to do about that? He doesn`t feel like counseling is helping at all, he feels like he is being forced into this and that it is a major LB. The cost of counseling with Steve is another factor here. He wants to stop and use this web site to work on us. <BR> <BR>He was going to leave in Nov, he chose to stay saying he just could not go. I feel that the only time he tries is if I`m having a bad day. I have told him all of this and he says that is when he feels that I need him to meet my needs. He just doesn`t get that he has to do this everyday. He says that I meet his needs. That everyday he can see that I am trying. H has said that I try to hard. I am going crazy here I just don`t know what to do. He thinks he is doing a good job, what about what I think? HELP!!!

It's a hard thing for most men to understand just how much emotional nurturing a woman needs. It's almost that they don't get it until you hit them over the head with it or talk til your blue in the face.<P>My H had a very hard time with how needy I was in early recovery. It helped for me to gently remind him that there was a lot I was trying to fit together, for us and for myself and that I didn't think that I'd stay that way forever.I think they get overwhelmed, fearing that our recovery will never truly be over and that we'll stay stuck and all of their hard work at rebuilding will have been for nothing when we finally decide that the marriage isn't worth it and we just can't heal. It helps to reassure them that we continue moving in a positive direction, even if we seem tremndously needy at the moment. Good luck to you and God's blessings on your marriage as you move through this difficult time.

Just keep on talking about how you think the recovery is going, maybe a set time once a week to specifically go over a list of needs that have been meet, or not meet. It will take time, and as long as H is willing to talk and keep trying, even if his efforts fall short, is a great big step in the right direction. Give your H a kiss from me, and tell him I thank him for choosing to Love his wife, and choosing to be a man of integrity... hang in there, it will be a long road, but do not despair, joy is available everyday regardless of H.