I have only known about this A for about 3.5 weeks and am having a very hard time with the whole thing. I am plan Aing quite well at the moment but I got the cell phone bill today and have discovered my W has been lying to me about continued contact with OM. She said she has not contacted him since I found out. She called him the next day and told me she said to him that she shouldn't see him anymore. I guess she still wants to talk to him but that is killing me and without any LB's I told her so last night. The bill showed she called him tons since and even as late as the 30th Dec. Found out the 18th. I hate like the devil to keep looking for stuff and I hate the fact I can't trust her but what should I do? I have been giving 110% and she has given nothing but lies. I have a deep love for her and our 4yo son. I don't want to see any of us get hurt but I don't know what to do right now except continue plan A. Should I confront her now or continue to gather info and confront her later? Should I just let the info go? I am so fearful she will go away this month on another trist because she made some calls to a hotel out of state. I can only assume it was to make a reservation. I am so lost right now. I have a very good friend who tries to give me insight and clear thoughts but I have never been so scared in my life. I have been in combat, been shot at and have seen what all that looks like but that was nothing compared to this. I pray to The Man every night and trust He will guide My W and I. Can anyone relate to this lying thing and what I should do about it? Feeling pretty crummy right now... As soon as I get time enough on my own to give complete story I will post it.

Sorry this is happening. The lying thing is unfortunately very normal for someone having and affair. I asked the same questions in the earlier days of my wife's affair. Mine told me out of the blue on June 1 that she wanted to separate. I found out that May 31 she talked to OM for 45 minutes on her cell. Affair was already in motion then.<P>I actually talked to Steve Harley today, and I believe that the earlier one does this the better. As he says, the A is like an addiction. From my own experience, and that of others here, the things that your wife does while in the fog and fantasyland are going to be bizarre, full of lies, and hard to handle. All you can do is sit back and wait for the fantasy to wear off. It stinks.<P>Make sure you Plan A good, meet any needs you can, no LBs. You are in the drivers seat, because you have history, and a child together. That is worth fighting for.<P>My wife eventually moved out Nov 1. Her lies continue now, she is confused. But fantasyland is still around. I didn't know about MB for almost 3 months of my wife's A, so you are lucky you found it.<P>Confronting about the lying is usually an LB, and they will deny, deny, deny. It is unbelievable how many lies they will make up to cover up other ones. You can at some point calmly say that you know this and that, tell her that you are committed to your marriage, understand that her needs were not met (I'm assuming some weren't), but that you are working on YOU, and want to restore your marriage. Unfortunately, they usually don't suddenly say, OK, lets work on it. They usually have to see this fantasy through to the end.<P>The lying is mind boggling, I understand exactly what you are going through. You need to remain calm, and focus on Plan A, not on the OM and what she is doing. It is very hard. But think about your son, and what he would want, and let that give you strength to do what you need to do.<P>Post as often as you like, and vent away. When you feel like saying something LBish, do it here, not to your wife.<P>Hang in there. It is a rough ride, but you can do it. Do a flawless Plan A and let her see that you are the best option.<P>

Toontown,<P>It is hard to figure out which is worse, A WS like yours who doesn't want to move out with the OP or one like mine who is still home but has made plans to do so. Rick is right, it might be in your best interet to take to Steve Harley.<P>Rick37,<P>Are you still in Plan A right now? Steve is about to move me into Plan B after only two months. I guess he senses that some of us betrayed spouses have more tolerance than others. Or it could be that my wife has such little regard for my feelings that he feels its time.

Always Hopeful,<P>I'm still in Plan A. Started it around end of August after I found MB. From my first conversation with Steve today, he seemed all for continuing Plan A. I'd be curious to know what makes B the right choice for you now. Steve must have picked up on something, but I don't know enough of your situation.

Rick, <P>I know I said now, but I really am about 1-2 months away. My wife has really developed absolutely no respect for me when it comes to meeting the OP. Even takes the OP ( a woman and her best friend of nine years) out with MY kids occassionaly. This OP has been like an aunt to them for quite a while. This is really an emotional affair because I did get my wife to talk with Steve for one session in which she admitted she was not a homosexual.<P>I wanted to clue my children in on this relationship before they found out from someone else. Steve believes that would be highly counterproductive during Plan A. Because of that and of my wife's total lack of respect for our marriage, I guess he felt Plan B should happen as soon as my wife moves out. This, like I stated, could happen anywhere fro a month or two from now.