I have been married for 15 years and have three children. I have just confirmed my suspicion that my husband is cheating on me again! <P>The first time that I found out was about 6 years ago. I have confronted him about the problem. His reaction was that it was no big deal as it was a one-night stand. I sank into depression and sought counselling. However it did not work as I was uncomfortable revealing everything - I am from a small community and he is a established professional. I tried to deal with the problem by reading and doing research on this area. Although he seemed loving, our sexual life is on the downhill. <P>He was recently very secretive about his emails which led me to suspect that he is having an affair. He had no idea that I have found out. I do not want to continue living a lie. <P>We need marriage counselling together. He does not understand my despair and hurt as he felt that he has played his part as a husband and father and that he still loves me so he often said. <P>I want to put a stop to this infidelity and put an ultimatum to him - either he seek help to refrain from having affairs or one-night stand or I will walk out and leave him alone to his sexual fantasies. I am fully aware that my children will be victims but must I solely bear the burden and continue with his lies? <P>Please give me your advice on how should I proceed.

I am so sad to have to meet you here. My immediate suggestion is to go to NSRs welcome - you will find lots of understanding friends here - and Jim (NSR) is oneof the best.<P>Take it slowly<P>R

So sorry you need to be here - but you will find good friends and much understanding here. i suggest you go immediately to NSRs - general welcome - he is one of the best and most helpful people you will come across. Take care - and hasten slowly.<P>R

My best advice would be to start counseling with one of the Harley's here...they are quite good, and esp. ig you are in a small town & confidentiality is a problem, phone counseling has benefits. (Click on the "Counsel" link at top of the page).<P>There is also a lot of info on this site...Start with the "Concepts" link above, and go back to the homepage & check the Infidelity articles.<P>You guys do need help, but in most cases you can work thru this.<P>Hang in there--<P>Kathi

Welcome <B>Deeply Hurt & Lost</B>...<P>I'm not sure if you found the "welcome yet"...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Plan A doesn't mean to "...solely bear the burden and continue with his lies..."<BR>...it means to learn about yourself<BR>...to forgive yourself<BR>...to start forgiving your spouse<BR>...to learn about what it means to be a good spouse.<P>Honesty is still important...<BR>...don't give up on honesty...<BR>...do give up on Love Busting.<P> <P>Jim

Thank you for your reply.<P>As I am new to this forum, I am not familiar with the acronyms used. I have referred to the page posted by Laurie on some of the acronyms but could not locate NSRs welcome. Would very much apppreciate your help.<P>BTW, I am in contact with Laurie to schedule an appointment for both of us to seek professional help. Looking very much forward to that. <P>Deeply Hurt & Lost<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Rosebrook:<BR><B>I am so sad to have to meet you here. My immediate suggestion is to go to NSRs welcome - you will find lots of understanding friends here - and Jim (NSR) is oneof the best.<P>Take it slowly<P>R</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><P>------------------<BR>

Thank you for your advice.<P>I am in contact with the staff of Dr Harley for an appointment. But the time difference between us (about 14 hours) is slowing down the process. <P>The only consoling thing is that my husband has agreed to counseling. I know that we both need help. <P>I believe that my husband needs a lot of help as he still does not realise the extent of the hurt he has caused me. Moreover, he has no will-power to change. He has done it more than once. I can tell he is having a great time and as long as I am still around to take care of our children's needs, he will carry on to indulge in his flings.<P>In fact I very much felt that he has taken me for granted. I am so affected by his behaviour that I have great difficulty focusing on my work. I am supposed to help out in his office. BUT I just do not wish to be involved anymore. <P>I am so tempted to just pack my bag and seek solitude and peace somewhere else. But I am hanging on now with hope that he still loves me.<P>Deeply Hurt & Lost<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by kam6318:<BR><B>My best advice would be to start counseling with one of the Harley's here...they are quite good, and esp. ig you are in a small town & confidentiality is a problem, phone counseling has benefits. (Click on the "Counsel" link at top of the page).<P>There is also a lot of info on this site...Start with the "Concepts" link above, and go back to the homepage & check the Infidelity articles.<P>You guys do need help, but in most cases you can work thru this.<P>Hang in there--<P>Kathi</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><P>------------------<BR>

Thank you for your reply.<P>I have managed to locate the General Welcome site and even proceeded to seek counseling. But the time difference (14 hours)is slowing things down.<P>I have initiated Plan A. I have told him in a very calm and composed manner that he needs to break all contacts with his lovers.<P>The trouble here is that I am not so sure that he will really do it because I know that he is having a great time. Worst of all, he tried to continue to hide the affairs from me and justify his behaviour as being an escapism from the work related stress/pressures. <P>I am deeply concerned about my husband's determination and ability to change. That's why I have asked him to seek professional help. If he doesn't top cheating on him, I am calling it quits for enough is enough. <P>He simply wants the cake and eat it - me to take care of the family and him to go out and have fun!<P>Deeply Hurt & Lost<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NSR:<BR><B>Welcome Deeply Hurt & Lost</B>...<P>I'm not sure if you found the "welcome yet"...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Plan A doesn't mean to "...solely bear the burden and continue with his lies..."<BR>...it means to learn about yourself<BR>...to forgive yourself<BR>...to start forgiving your spouse<BR>...to learn about what it means to be a good spouse.<P>Honesty is still important...<BR>...don't give up on honesty...<BR>...do give up on Love Busting.<P> <P>Jim<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><P>------------------<BR>

Dear Deeply lost and hurt<P>Stay strong and use this board - it helped me survive !!<P>I read about the 14 hours difference in times. maybe we are from the same time zone. I still manage to do counselling with Jennifer - and it sure helps.<P>If you think I am local and would like to email you can contact me at -<BR>harmar52@hotmail.comm.<P>Thinking of you<P>R<BR>