Hello to all, <BR> I havn't posted in a while but have lurked occasionally. I have many postings from the Spring if anyone is interested in the whole detailed story. But to make a long story short- I have been in Plan B since August 23. D-Day was April 19th, my husband did come and go a number of times prior to the the August date but in August he asked for a separation and the next day I gave him the Plan B letter. His affair with a 20 year his jr. coworker had ended pysically though she just gave birth recently to his child. I think they are still connected emotionally (how could they not with her just having a baby?)<BR> I was coming along with working on myself, my 4 children, my career and home. I kept contact to only written letters. He has been excellent about seeing the children and paying child support. <BR> The 2 days after Christmas I had complete meltdown. I walked around sobbing for hours. It was almost like a flu or a complete regression. Unfortunately I called him at work a few days later and said," Do you realize next week we have a divorce hearing - is this really what you want?" He said he couldn't talk at work and would call back later that night. 4 days went by and he hadn't called.<BR> This is where I did a foolish thing and my first LB since April. He came to pick up my daughter and I put all his clothes (he had left everything) out and told my daughter to tell him to take them. I also gave him a letter where I said I gave up and a copy of my Plan B letter to remind him of how hard I had tried. Here's my big mistake - I also gave him a copy of any e-mail my father had sent me which really tore him apart and was evident that my father had no respect for him for a long time. <BR> 2 days later he sees the kids and my older son asks him why he hasn't called me like he said he would. The next day he calls. He is still in the same place mentally that he was months ago. He is angry and casting blame but is now furious about my fathers e-mail. He says he sees no way he could come back. he doesn't see how he could reenter this life. AND his feelings for me have changed and he really doesn't want to reconsile<BR> Now my questions; Would I really want him back at this point? (though I guess it is mute because he doesn't want to return) Could his reluctance to try again be because this whole thing is so embarressing and he doesn't know how to get out of it? He has not gone into counseling or anything which would help him. Am I just beating a dead horse and just get on with my life? Things were not bad until my post holiday meltdown and I feel like I am coming out of that "flu" like stage.<BR> Any suggestions or input would be helpful. I am sorry this is so long but havn't posted in so long I needed to really update.<BR> Kris<BR> <P>

Quakermom,<P>It is always dangerous to try and read someones mind, especially someone you don't know. So please understand I haven't a clue really, but I suspect your Father's email pretty much hit things on the head with regard to your H. That really hurts. <P>It should hurt. He is just using excuses to blame you or anyone else for what he did. He knows that he has lost you, probably his children (they won't respect him, especially as they get older), and obviously the respect of a man he had respect for.<P>His current out burst, is probably not a change in his feelings at all. I don't think you have done any really harm here. Yeah! it was probably an LB, but after everything else so what. <P>As for your questions, yes to all of the questions, maybe to all of the questions. How would anyone really know, he is in a fog and he may not come out due to many factors. Quakermom, I wish I could tell you what to do, only you can make these hard decisions, but I suspect that as time goes on the decision will be made for you. Your feelings will tell you what to do.<P>I am sure even Plan B is very hard on you because it does not bring a closure to this situation. Christmas is a very hard time emotionally if problems such as yours exist, so your "melt down" is very understandable.<P>Don't worry about it. This is not of your doing and you cannot undo it. Only your H can and it is his lap, as it always has been.<P>Too bad they won't let us run their life for them isn't it?<P>Sorry I couldn't be of more help. Take care and hang in there. You will know what the right thing to do is when you get there.<P>God Bless,<P>JL<P>PS: You want revenge? Then live your life well and fully. Smile, laugh, love, and most of all do the right things. You will get more revenge than you ever expected.