My wife has been having an affair for about two months now. I have known about it for one month. She has shown absolutely no desire to end her affair or to enter back into our marriage. <P>We are not bound by children, so that makes a clean separation a bit easier. However, her behavior seems so irratic compared to how she's behaved the entire time we have known each other. Very typical for an unfaithful spouce from what I understand. She is not acting like herself and I'm afraid she's unable to make such an important and life-changing decision at such a confusing time in her life. Yet she is choosing to stay her course.<P>I have met with her recently to spell out very clearly that I would like to work on our marriage together and I made it as easy as I possibly could for her to re-enter our marriage. <P>At this point, I feel like I have said everything I can think of to entice her back into the marriage. I have been the good guy. I am getting nowhere.<P>Hence, I have chosen to cease all contact with her. I don't think this will be much help either, but now I believe that I can at least move on with my life knowing that I have tried everything possible that I am willing to do to save a sinking marriage.<P>Can anybody lend me any support/advice please?

Hi Pete,<P>It says this is from Relilient, but I'm just using her computer...this is AZ Allison. Just wanted to say welcome to MB, glad you found us.<P>Have you done any reading? You'll see lots of advice here about the books you should read and Plans A & B. Not every story here turns out to be a "success story" in the sense of the marriage being restored, but we (the betrayed) tend to feel better about things if we follow the MB principles. Please make sure to read the general welcome up above by NSR.<P>Your wife is certainly saying the same things to you that we have all heard. These things are totally common...we here at MB kind of refer to these things they say as "the fog". The betrayers are so similar they're scary. <BR>Sounds like your wife is out of the house already. You may want to think about Plan B. Read the post here regarding Plan A...how long is too long. It should help give you some insight into if you've done a good Plan A and if it's time to show your wife what it's really like out there on her own as a single woman.<P>Keep posting, and reading everything you can get your hands on. come here often, it will really help you to understand what she's going through.<P>Read Surviving After the Affair...it's helped many of us.<P>Hope you get a lot more replies.<P>allison<P><BR>

Hey Pete<P>I think that you should read some of the books here on the sight. They are SO helpful!! You will get an idea why it is so important not to rush to the finish line of divorce out of panic and pain. You have not given it any real time. You must do a plan A and show your W how you really feel and what you think you TWO can make of your future.<P>It is not time to move on, it is time to plan A!!! You have to show her that you are willing to make changes too. There are ENs that you did not fulfill for her. She is in the euphoria of a new relationship that is "forbidden." My H is still there and he thinks he is in love with OW, but yet he will not leave home. He has not made any steps forward with us in 6 months, and now it seems we have to deal with his alcoholism first. But I have loved, supported, worked on myself esteem,---things for me. <P>I cannot make my H come out of his fog. He must CHOOSE for himself. But I can continue to show him how I want to work on our marriage, and that I want him to leave the OW behind. I want my h to bite the bullet and work on the marriage, to see if there is a chance for recovery. To give up without a fight is ludicrous. I have been married 16 years, I am fighting for survival hard against my H's demons. They are all within him and I can not cure him so I leave that part to God. <P>Read, read, read. Post, post. That is why we are here. But if you do nothing, nothing will happen.