Hi all,<P>It's been a while since I have posted much here. I first posted on December 30, 1998. Yeah, just over 2 years ago. Been a long wild ride since then & it's coming to a close. Here’s a recap for everyone.<P>Got married 5 Jan, 1980. We both joined the Air Force. She stayed in for 4 years & I just retired on Jan1st of this year. We have 2 girls, 15 & 10.<P>Oct 98, my wife started doing acting, saying & doing all the things we have seen with people involved in an affair. Of course when it is happening to you, you just don’t believe it. Christmas 98 I find out about 2 previous affairs. 1st one three years after we were married and the second was nine years after we were married.<P>On Dec 26, 98 I found out she had an affair with a guy (a.k.a. wankboy) which worked in the shop next to hers at the mall. He had left just the week previous. So after much crying on both of our parts I told her we could fix everything. From 26 Dec 98-31 Jan 99 I do what I can using Marriage Builders. 1 Feb 99 she goes on a previously planned vacation to visit an old girlfriend whom she hadn’t seen for 7 years. She is gone for a week & comes home looking absolutely terrible. She literally looked like the walking dead. She said she was, “leaving to think about us & the marriage.”<P>Yeah, right. She says she will only be gone 3 weeks to two months at most. HA! Thatwas two years ago.<P>So I have been counseling with Steve Harley here at Marriage Builders for this time. I live in CO. My wife came back for a week in May 99. That’s it. I saw her in Nov 99 at her brothers funeral in CA. She has not been west of the Mississippi since then. She paints for wankboy, who does retail construction. They move every week to two months. Some life huh?<P>Until May last year, she was calling the girls about every week-2 weeks. Now it’s about every 2- 3 months. She has had no contact with anyone in my/her family since the funeral. I spoke with her the last time she called (23 Oct) and asked her if we could get together to talk. She was very defensive & said she could not come back ‘till after Christmas. I said if she would let me know a week or two ahead of time, I would fly out & we could go to lunch or dinner & talk then. She kept asking if we were going to talk about divorce. I was very noncommittal and just said we could talk about me, her, the girls our marriage and whatever. She was very apprehensive & said she would call back the next night or two. HAH! Again, that was 2.5 months ago.<P>I spoke with Steve Harley a week later. Because she has had so little contact with anyone, he thinks she is hiding something (a child, a marriage, who knows?) If we did not have kids, then it would be easy to sever the ties so easily, but with kids... So anyhoo, I’m at the 2 year point & ready to get on with it. He suggests I find out what I can about her/them so I will not be surprised when I file or go to court.<P>For those of you wondering, yes Marriage Builders techniques do actually work! The results will not always be a healthy, happy reunion and great marriage. If you follow the principles, you will know you have done the best you can & will be able to divorce (either take or give) with much, much less emotional distress than if you had not followed any plan.<P>I don’t hate my wife & I don’t love my wife. I see the situation as sad. To me, it’s like seeing those commercials for the hungry children. I think, “pretty sad” and then change the channel to watch Jay Leno. If she were to change her mind in the next few months, I don’t know what I would do. But I am giving it the two years (17 Feb is the date) as many (professional) people recommend for an affair to die. Most do, but some don’t. We’ll see what happens.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Chris,<BR>I've been around here a long time too and my heart goes out to you. I hope you and the girls find peace and happiness, whatever form that takes.<P>God bless you.<BR>Jenny(2+years into recovery)

Hi Chris...<P>It's good to see you post.<P>You've mentored me through my sojourn...<BR>...and helped and encouraged so many others.<P>Thanks.<P>

Chris...<P>Good to see your update...I agree "it's sad". But, you sound great, & I know the girls are fine with you to care for & guide them...it is your wife who is the real loser here.<P>Hugs--<P>Kathi

Chris,<P>Thanls for the update...I was thinking about you just the other day.<P>You are so right about the MB techniques working, I couldn't have gotten through without them.<P>Best wishes in your future.<P>Bill<BR><P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

Chris,<P>I still say you are a man who deserves respect sir ! You amaze me. You made a decision not to divorce even if she didn't come back for two years and you have stuck to it.<P>It's sad she doesn't contact the girls more, one day she will regret that a great deal I am afraid. <P>Take care of yourself, and those girls .<BR><P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Chris, Deb said it best: "...you are a man...", and an amazing one at that. You have been a wonderful and inspiring example for me and many others here. I have always admired your commitment to your convictions and the incredible way you handled your travails. You sound pretty darned good for someone who has been through what you have.<P>Thanks for the update. On a personal note, I have always loved your name for OM. It is one of my top three(wankboy, LRB and PT).<P>Hope your post-retirement life is fulfilling and happy...<P>--DeWayne--

I've been thinking about you the last few weeks, I knew your time span was coming up.<P>God bless any path you choose!

I've been thinking of you too Chris. I always will at Chrismas. One of those things.<BR>Thank you for posting. We do worry you know.<BR>You have done a great job and you have helped a lot of people.<BR>You are in my prayers.<P>------------------<BR>wassi

Hey Chris:<P>You've got a big fan here! You've done a tremendous job---and your girls are lucky to have you.<P>God bless you and the family!!!<P>

Hi Chris,<P> I'm glad you're doing ok and yes it is really sad....."what a terrible web we weave" (or something like that).How are the girls doing? Did you ever suspect drug use on your W's part?.....<P>Anyway, I joined MB the same time you did and you have done a magnificent job....best wishes to you and your girls.....Lu<P>

Hi Chris,<BR>I had been thinking about you as I knew the 2 yr date was fast approaching. It sounds like you are in the "right" (?) frame of mind to proceed with what you need to do. <P>Wishing you and your girls the best.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob

Chris,<BR>Another admirer here, and glad to see an update from you. I think the key in your post is that you no longer love your wife. Your plan has allowed you to heal, or at least to come to terms.<P>I still can't fathom your wife's actions in letting go of those you and her daughters.<P>Take care.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Chris, you are amazing. You sound really together. The girls are so lucky to have you. One day your wife will find out what she is missing. Maybe not now, maybe not this year or next. BUT at some point she will. Continue to take care of yourself.

You've been on my mind lately. I hadn't seen much from you on any of the boards and hoped you were ok. Seems that you're better than ok.<P>Sadly, I think Harley has given you good advice.<P>I really admire you for the way you've handled this. You seem like a man of high values and great conviction. You're daughters are so lucky. <P>What a guy!<BR>

Chris,<P>Just a note to say, that you are one of the very shining examples of doing it as right as it can be done. Now a really important question, what are you doing now that you are "retired"?<P>Also how are the girls doing? Have they settled down at school and in their lives. As hard as it is for you, this has been very difficult for them.<P>Keep us updated.<P>God Bless You and Your Girls,<P>JL

You're an incredibly special person, Chris... a true testament to character and integrity.<P>You are the ultimate success story. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

Hey Chris,<P>I know in my heart that there is happiness in your future to make up for the unhappiness you have been forced to endure. And when you find her, she will be one very lucky woman! I hope your daughters will grow up to be women lucky enough to marry a man just like their dad!<P>Prayers and best wishes for you,<P>Peppermint

You are so right about the principles working even if things don't end up the way we wanted going in! Things really do turn out for the best. I hope you're doing as well as you sound; it really has been a long road, hasn't it? Your girls are lucky to have you. All the best to you...<P>------------------<BR>Bobbie

Hey Chris,<P> You know my story.Sometimes,they just pick up and leave,and they don't come back no matter how hard you try. <BR> <BR>You gave it your best shot,and that's all you could do.<BR> <BR>Take care of your girls,and yourself.<BR>Hang in there,buddy.<BR> <BR>~~Murph