Dear BellDandy,<P>Since the New Year, my H has pretty much put us in Plan B. He usually acts like I don't exist. He almost never talks to me about anything other than the schedule for the kids. I can only guess that he is distancing himself from me so he can get over whatever sense of guilt, if any, he has over leaving and never giving me a second chance.<P>In fact, his distancing is so extreme that it extends to not even checking whether we were okay after a 10 inch snowfall or checking to see if I got our rather large driveway cleared of snow etc. (Why couldn't he have left in an El Nino year?) I didn't expect him to clear the snow, but he could have asked if it got done okay etc.<P>The reason I end up being around him at all is that I don't know where to draw the line between what is best for the kids and what is best for me. I tend to do what is best for the kids because when all is said and done, I want to at least look back and say I've been a good mom. <P>For example, when he has the kids during the week, he brings them home and stays to put them to bed. I'm sure the kids like it, but after we get done playing happy family, I get to watch him leave again and it hurts all over again. When I finally get up the nerve to tell him that I cannot stand it anymore, I'm guessing he'll accuse me of trying to punish him and/or that it isn't good for the kids. Even though these may not be reasonable accusations, I hate him being angry at me so I have avoided it so far and put up with the pain.<P>I guess what I am saying is that he has pretty much plan B'd me. I'll just have to get up the courage to set some boundaries in order to survive better. <P>Dear Rick,<P>I can identify with your household habits. I always have this mental list of what I need to do when the kids are gone and then I usually do not do it. The house just doesn't seem right when they aren't here, even after the time they would be in bed.<P>I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your daughter. It is so hard not to get really angry with WS after those, especially because WS doesn't seem to even see the damage they are doing even when it is literally screaming in their face! <P>My 4 year old keeps telling me and H that he doesn't want to go to H's house, but then H pipes in about whatever new toy he can play with there or what cool restaurant they are going to etc. My counselor calls it the Disneyland Dad phenomenon. I guess everything I read about small kids wanting stability and familiarity seems to be true.<P>Keep fighting the good fight!

Okay, I know there are new post on this thread but I can't get them. It can't be as Rick37 says that I am too far away Singapore is one of the most connected places in the world. <P>