From my other thread posted at an earlier date, my W has moved into her own apartment. I found out from snooping that W wants to meet OM in about 2 months. OM doesn't want to be a factor in my W's decision whether W stays with me or breaks up with me; so I'm not sure if he's going to meet with W. W moved out to find out what kind of feelings she really has for me! W and I see each other at least once a week for dates. Things are good when we're together, but this EA W is having is still in the back of my mind!<P>My plan is to meet with her and tell her we are not going to see each other for 2 or 3 weeks. No contact of any kind. She wants her independance, so I want to take all the credit cards and my house keys from her. This will give the feeling of me not supporting her at all. I also want to tell her I need to let a friend or family member know about OM so I can talk to someone who knows the full extent of our problems. W may get mad at the thought that a family member will know! I would choose a family member I know won't tell everyone else!<P>I believe my W thinks that if she divorces me, that I won't tell anyone about OM. I feel she should know I will because I won't reward an affair with my silence if we get divorced. W knows her father will disown her if he found out about OM. It may sound like blackmail to W; me trying to get her to stay with me, but that's not it at all! She should know what she is preparing for herself! The old saying "you made your bed, now ly in it".<P>What do you think? Does this plan sound like a good or bad idea?

Great Idea!! I have been suffering a lot about this subject as well. I am only into my first month since discovery but I have thought about what to do if it ends. I will tell anyone who asks, the honest truth. I will not run around telling the first ear that will listen but I would tell the truth should the need arise. I agree with you about the you made the bed now sleep in it statement. That is pretty powerful as long as it is put to them in a non-LBing way.<P>Stay on top of your game. It sounds like you have a good roll going at present and your plan is sound.<P>

ihurt,<BR>Man I’m sorry to see your W is still in such a fog. <BR>Your plan sounds good to me with 1 exception. Why tell her it is for only 2 or 3 weeks. If you tell her that all she has do is out wait you. If she knows it’s only 2 – 3 weeks won’t it just give her more assurance that you will still be there? I think a true plan B is forever. Now I know that may be too drastic, but how about not even discussing a time frame. Just say for a while, so YOU can figure things out, to me that would be playing her game. <BR>

Oswald,<BR>I believe your right! I should say for awhile and not give a time frame. I wonder how long I can hold out! I will miss her during this time!<P>I just want her to get that time alone so she can miss me! I want her to feel that she has all the responsibility with out my help.<P>So, I will take your advise and not give a time frame. This might not be a true plan B, but I hope it will work or help. I don't think I could get myself to write the letter to do a true plan B!<P>Take care

ihurt,<P>In general it has been my observation that switching back and forth between Plan A (type activity) and Plan B (type activity) is confusing to the WS; as if they weren't confused enough already.<P>I normally recommend as pure a Plan A as you can for as long as you can...<BR>...and when there is no more hope for her understanding what Plan A is all about...<BR>...then do as pure a Plan B as possible.<P>Does that mean you can't or shouldn't protect yourself...<BR>...NO WAY.<P>If there is a chance of your finances being destroyed...<BR>...do all you can to protect yourself...<BR>...cancel credit cards (remove her from them... whatever)<BR>...rework accounts<BR>...open new accounts (in your name only)<BR>...an LB to be sure... but if she comes back... there will be something left!<P>But to close off communications....<BR>...eliminates your chance to Plan A effectively.<BR>...and more importantly... showing that you can change (meeting ENs) over an extended period of time.<P>From one who has Plan A-ed for 15+ months and had my Plan A made ineffective exactly because my W wanted a separation from me.<P>Just a thought...<P> <P>Jim