I just found this site today, and I've read practically all of the articles trying to make sense of my situation. I want to try to save my marriage, but I don't know if it can.<P>I'll start at the beginning...<P>My W and I met on the internet. I was overseas and in med school, she was finishing up her home-schooled high-school. We had a relationship on the net for well over 2 years, and we had our share of good times and problems, but for the last year we had been completely honest to each other about everything.<P>Eventually I decided to take the plunge and go over to meet her. We were instantly in an awesome RL relationship, and 3 months later we got married. All that mattered then was love and nothing else, and I gave up my life and started a new one here. Since we had next to no financial assets, we lived with her parents for about 2 1/2 years until we got some income. We then moved out and had been living together for 6 months until now.<P>I had to leave for two weeks this december (over christmas and coming back on New Year's Eve) because I learned my grandmother was in her terminal stages (cancer) and that I should see her for the holidays before she died. I got a couple of calls from my wife during this time: 1st it was that her female cousin was there and that she and her co-workers had been partying, and the second was just a repeat of that and that we needed to have a heart to heart when I came back. For some reason on that second call, all of a sudden I had this really bad feeling...but she refused to talk about anything on the phone. <P>I came back and she didn't even pick me up from the airport, but instead went out to party with her co-workers and cousin. My mother-in-law came and got me, but I couldn't even get into the apartment as I had no house key, so I stayed at their place for the night. I came back to the apartment the next day and wanted to talk to my wife, but she preferred to just shut the beroom door in my face and talk to her cousin about their parties. Finally when her cousin felt into a drunken sleep, she sat me down and said "seperation". She started going off on all these reasons why we simply didn't fit together, that we had nothing in common, shared no social circles, and that I was co-dependant and that she was too and that we need to not be. She told me love wasn't enough and that she hadn't had her "freedom" before our marriage and nicely mentioned that she was on the rebound from another guy when we did marry (we resolved that issue before we go married though). <P>Then she took off to live with two of her girlfriends (who I didn't respect as all they did was party and sleep around). I was left in an apartment with no heat, food, or a car. I ended up going to stay with my in-laws again (as I had no real friends here yet). What surprised me is that her friends (that she didn't talk to from what I thought) called me and wanted to take me out. <P>Their reaction when they picked me up was "well you're taking it quite well for what's happened"...and they had no idea I didn't know. What they told me was that she had cheated on me with a co-worker several times while I was gone, that she was still doing it, and that she had gloated about it to all of them. <P>Needless to say I didn't get any sleep for 72 hours after that, and tried to call her asking about it and she denyed it. All I had was hearsay so I went to our apartment to talk, she was asleep in a coma from all the alchol and drugs she'd taken the night before (another work party at our place this time). Since I could do nothing else (and had to get the car back soon, I did some snooping. I stumbled over a diary she had written and there it was in all livid detail, and needless to say it was sooo good and that she didn't care that she was doing it or care about how I felt.<P>The day after I called her again and told her to swear that she was telling the truth and she lied right into my face and got angry and went on about trust. I told her that if she wasn't going to spill I was going to start reading from this diary I'd found. she reluctantly said "Well we were both wasted and trashed and it just happened that one night and that she didn't care about it." Everyone else tells me a different story. I decided to call up this guy as well and wanted to get the truth out of him, but he denyed it all. 5 mins later I got a call from her asking where the hell I got off and that she never wanted to see me again unless I had divorce papers in my hand. <P>My parents (who've always hated her) are coming over here in 2 weeks and they want a divorce and me to move back to Europe. She's staying with these sluts and probably will not lapse out of party/drink/drug mode, and her ***** cousin is coming this summer and they plan to be roommates. I also found out that the woman next door (a psychology student) was putting ideas into her head and sharpshooting our marriage because she was writing a paper on young marriages. My W has burned all the bridges to her real friends, who are dissapointed in her and are doing everything to help me thru this. <P>I took the questionnaires and scored unhappy right across the board (taking my situation before I left as the basis). <P>I still love her, and want to try to save the marriage. I have some conditions she'll need to meet before we can work at it though: she quits her job and never even comes into contact with this guy again, pregnancy test, AIDs test, drug/alcohol rehab.<P>I'm staying with her parent's suggestion that we need a 30 day waiting period before my W and I get in touch again. Not that it matters, if she doesn't come out of that hole she's in nothing can get started. <P>I'm just confused as to whether what we had is even worth trying to save.<P>Oh and sorry for the long post, but seem to be a lot of them here, and I feel with all of you that have had their spouse cheat on them.
