Well after things were going real well lately I ran into a bit of a snag. Steve has been working with my wife and I and has been addressing the EA/PA she had. But there is also another PA/One nighter that happened with a CoWorker(Whom I know and loathe...)that hasn't been addressed. I had tried to talk about this in the past with her but she says it doesn't matter and "don't you get it!". It got to the point where she said if I brought it up again she'd end our marriage. Well I couldn't atand it any longer so this weekend I asked her if he has talked to her. She said yes... He came to her office and asked if she could talk. She let him in and shut the door. He proceeded to tell her about an affair(he is married mind you) he had been having with another woman and that she dumped him and his heart was broken... I asked how she responed and she said she told him that she was trying to work on her marriage and not be involved in the day to day "Payton's place" that is happenening at their work. I appreciated some of what she said but it still seemed there was no closure... I felt like she needed to make it clear to him that he has no business talking about his personal affairs with her and it should be kept as "work" only. This really bothered me this weekend and I began to "shut down" or become quiet which is what I do when I'm upset. She caught onto this and immediately started getting angry with me assuming I was upset for sexual reasons. Well today I couldn't take it any longer and was having thoughts of calling this "pig" and telling him to stay out of our lives and not to say one word outside of work related things to my wife or I'd blow the whistle to his wife and visit him myself to settle things. I decided not to do this(Major Lb) but instead talked to my Ws and tried to explain what was bothering me... I told her that the reason for my mood over the weekend was twofold. First she didn't come to me with the info, I asked about it... This is all a part of the complete honesty section. She seemed to understand. I also told her I felt like there wasn't any closure. She started getting upset and asked when I would "get over it" because it didn't matter. I said It does matter to me and until there is closure I can't begin to get over it.... She said she would tell him that they can't discuss anything but work from now on. I really would like for her to do it over the phone with me listening so I can be sure she's done this but am not sure that's a good idea... Any advice/ideas? Another day in the jungle.... Crick

A modern day payton Place, huh? That sounds like a doubly bad place for a WS to work. I imagine that once you have gone out of the vows, that it is easier ezach time, until it is dang easy. Whether it is with one op or many.<P>Have you discussed the possibility of a sexual harrassment suit at work, or just looking for a comperable job elsewhere? if she whent to her bosses or owners withthe problem that she was not safe from this activity, that they would give her help in relocating her. I am not sure as I do not work. But if it was a problem of "safety," I think they would be sympathetic.<P>Maybe this is a boundry you need to think about. I know that chucking a job is not easy and somewhat difficult, but if your marriage is at stake and she IS doing her best to recover, this mayt be the next step.<P>Think about it.

Burnedspouse,<P> The leaving the job part at this point is out of the question... When we first discussed her counseling with the Harleys she said she would IF they don't mention her leaving her job. If they did mention it she'd hang up. I mentioned this to Steve Harley before he began counseling her. I honestly don't think she has any intentions of going into another affair and perhaps it shouldn't bother me but this man has disrespected me and will continue to do it if she let's him. He know's me and I know him.... He did this anyways and continues to carry on these conversations. He even knows that I know... That's awful arrogant in my book... From my point of view my Ws needs to understand that this may not matter to her but it DOES matter to me.. If we are ever to work on our marriage then we both need to be more understanding and caring of what bothers the other.... She still works in the same building with the person she had the EA/PA that is the root of the whole problem but Steve has her avoiding him. She confronted him and told him it is over and that put my mind to rest. She seems to loathe him for how he "played" her... This situation with the "one nighter" to her is meanial and doesn't matter. She's see's it as an affect of the Fog she was in over the other affair. She just won't see how it affects me... She sure won't bring this up as harrasment because she is ashamed all this happened and doesn't want anyone to know. Odd thing is I work for the same company and I have the feeling many people know. You just can't hide these things in the office.... Perhaps it's all a pride thing for me. I'm sure she won't be with him but I'll be danged if he can disrespect me this way... One way or the other I'll put this to rest... Crick