Hello to everybody,<P>I haven't posted in a terribly long time. I needed to take a break from MB because all the information I was absorbing was becoming one big massive cancer for me to deal with.<P>H and I are still with it, trying to recover and survive. All goes fairly well except for the occassional "slump pit" I fall into.<BR>I think it was Peppermint that told me I was probably distancing myself from my H for fear of being hurt again. Not allowing myself to fully trust and let him into my heart again. I think she was dead right on the money with that statement.<P>My H made a wonderful analogy of our situation today... He said that we are like driving a wrecked car. The damage has been done, you get in the car and drive it as far as it will go, then you get stranded on a lonely highway with no way to get back.<P>It is true, we have driven this wrecked car as far as it will take us and we are stuck on the lonely highway and can't get back to where we were before. Anybody out there got any clues on how to get back "home".<P>We both want to get back, we just don't know how to overhaul this wrecked car!!!<P>I hope all of you are doing well. I hope you had good holidays, considering your circumstances and please know that I think about all of you often. I pray that life gives you what you need and deserve to be happy.<P>Much love,<BR>Cathy

Catplay,<P> How bout taking it to the garage and letting the experts help fix it? I don't know if you have been to counseling but I would think it couldn't hurt... One part of SAA that caught my attention was that you can be your spouses greates source of joy or greatest source of pain... Obviously most on here have witnessed the great pain. In order to truly be "in love" we have to be certain that our spouse won't be our source of pain. We also have to give that to them in order for them to be "in love" with us. You can only work on your part. It's up to them to prove to you that they won't be that source of pain..... Perhaps once you reach that it will all fall together. Just my thoughts.... Crick

Dear Crick,<P>Thanks for responding. I think you are right about counseling, I just don't know who to trust with this... early on, his counselor was a real cookoo! <P>Also, I am not sure yet that my spouse isn't or won't be my greatest source of pain. He doesn't do a whole lot of reassuring in this department. Not to mention that everything he has given up to help us recover is just a heartbeat away from firing up again, if you know what I mean, and this scares me to death because I can't and won't go through this devastation again.<P>Thanks again,<BR>Cathy

Hey Cathy,<P>I have been wondering about you! I have to agree absolutely about the counseling. Please consider the Harleys. It is really not that expensive and you could do it twice a month for less than $200. We really didn't think we could do it, but thank goodness for Visa! Our insurance covers my husbands individual therapy, but not marital. I know it sounds like a lot, but it is MUCH cheaper financially than divorce. Plus the difference it makes in our relationship makes it a real bargain.<P>Best wishes,<P>Peppermint