Stepping on the scales this morning blew me away. I knew I was gaining weight back, but now I'm 4 lbs. over my previous norm. Before the A and going into depression, I was 145# (June). Dropped to 125 in two weeks and stayed there until the anti-deps started working, then gradually gained back. No real changes in diet (well, maybe more potatoe chips during college bowl season). Now I'm 149 and my snowboarding shoulder gives me a good excuse to limit work outs to the stationary couch.<P>Anyway, I'm on Zoloft, 100mg. Anyone else had this pattern? My doc says she might start weening me off the stuff.<P>WAT

I'm still in the losing weight "zone". I've known since Oct. and I've lost about 15 lbs. (I now weigh about 96 lbs.-but I'm only 5'1") and have not gained it back. I'm on Efexor. Although my appetite is better than it was in the beginning-I would eat one meal a day & that's only cuz I made myself do it. I sometimes wonder if that's my way of punishing myself??<P>Hope your shoulder is beginning to heal!

bitsy - no, I don't think that's your way of punsihing yourself, I think it's normal depression response.<P>I have to go to the bone quack soon about my shoulder. Getting too old, I guess.<P>Dave (WAT)

Dave, <BR>I can't tell for myself, I'm not on medication, but yes, I gained some weight back after whole this mess stabilised a bit, or should I say since I survived the first shock and started to live day by day. I lost 24 lbs due to infidelity diet. <BR> <BR>My H is on anti-depressants (Prozac, 5ml/day). After initial loss of weight while in hospital and short time afterwards, (stopped at some 10 lbs below his average), now he gained 16 lbs in 3 months. His weight was pretty stabile for all those years I know him (almost 18 years), but now I can pretty fairly say he never weighted as much as he does now. OK, it's still not that bad having in mind his height, but now I see first signs of typical "beer belly" <P>Take care of your shoulder, but remember it is NOT a good excuse for turning to couch potato. I know you can't go skydiving with me right now (however, consider yourself invited to join, any time) but walking or light jogging won't harm, I'm sure. <P>BTW, being a mechanical engineer, and having that nasty habit to analyse and rationalize everything, do I fit to yours and Rick's club? <P>Adrian<P><BR>

Adrian - you bet you fit in, but the major goal is to get out of it, of course!! You have to get a siren like Rick's to turn on when you respond to analysis posts.<P>Dave

What an interesting topic. I'm not on medication, but I wasn't eating good the first couple of months of this mess, and lost weight. Didn't get on the scales, but my little extra around my waist disappeared, and people said they can tell by my face that I lost weight. Probably from 165 to about 160, not a big deal. But oddly enough, now I'm sure I'm over 165, and my pants are tighter around the waist. One problem (sort of a good one) is the company I work for caters lunch every day to keep us happy. Free food...you eat all you can and it is good. Plus, chips and snacks in the cupboard. Every time we have a meeting, out come the chips. Kitchen and boardroom are next to each other. With afternoon coffee, we take 3 or 4 chocolate cookies just because they are there. Got to stop this! But it is good. It is the old "tomorrow is the real day" sort of philosophy. Now they placed chocolate covered almonds at the reception desk (oh no...a weakness). Sorry for the ramble.<P>Adrian...of course you are in the club...but like WAT said, our goal is to get out...but it is hard. As soon as anyone posts an RFA (request for analysis), we're on the scene. Can't resist.

Interesting topic. I haven't posted the details of my situation on this board (yet), but I am "on the diet". Weighed more than 220# when the bomb hit, and realized, for one thing, that I wasn't taking care of myself. Started working out, and I can't eat much anyway, so now I'm below 190#! Look better than I have in a long time. My pants don't fit anymore. the one good thing to come out of this mess so far....

WAT,<P>Terrifying post. I lost between 60-70 lbs within a 3 month period. Yep, I needed to loose the weight, but I did it the wrong way...almost no eating at all. I learned no good eating habits in all of this. Now I find myself with this strange sensation during the day...hunger. Must mean I'm coming out of my funk, but I really do not want to start gaining again.<P>Think I'll go join Weight Watchers to finally learn how to eat like a normal person. My sis has lost 60 lbs on their program. I am on Prozac and initially blamed it for my weight gain, but really, I don't think it had a lot to do with it. Leading a sedentary life did it, along with loving really bad food.<P>I hate to admit it, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking that if (when) I get a divorce I need to stay in shape to attract another partner down the road...how messed up is that thinking? Can't believe I even admitted that.<P>Plus...when H comes over it's kinda fun to see him looking at the "new" me these days...though my appearance seems to make him feel guilty.<P>allison

I know what the title of my next thread will be so that I can have your attention! <P>I lost about 15 pounds from that nasty little diet. Of course, once I got on an even keel again it started creeping back. The problem is food. I love it. I am an equal opportunity eater. I'm lucky I'm as small as I am. 10 years down the road......hmmm. I think I need a snack now.<P>Dave, did you only start regaining after you got on zoloft? I have a friend on it and she didn't seem to have that problem. What do you think about being weaned off of it? What about a lower dose? Would that help with the weight gain?

Seems to be the "normal" thing to do for us in this situation.<P>On a lighter note-at the beginning of all this I used to joke with him saying "You just wanted me to get skinner!!"<P>I have to laugh sometimes!<P>------------------<BR>"Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways." Proverbs 20:30

Scary topic for me, too!! I lost 70 pounds within the first few months, too. And also really needed to lose it! Went from barely fitting into a size 16 to an 8, so I really feel great about myself. Although H mentioned lately that he'd really like to see me a size 6. Sigh..... <P>I've gained a few pounds back, but really want to always fit into the size 8 jeans that I bought in September. Considering that my H's #2 EN is attractive spouse, I'd better concentrate on it.<P>I'm on 40mg of Paxil a day, and don't really know how much of my weight loss that the meds contributed to.<P>Allison, I'm with you on figuring out how to eat like a normal person again. I go from not being hungry at all to being absolutely famished and looking for anything to eat. Maybe we can hold each other accountable to eating healthy every day!!

Cleo - yes, I only stopped LOSING weight after getting on the zoloft. My depression was severe - I was also facing the one year anniversary of my son's death, so it all hit at once. So, I needed to regain weight and I'm convinced that the zoloft and the benefits of getting my head together through this site (Plan A) were the reasons. A side effect of the anti-deps IS weight gain - in addition to the weight you ought to gain back. Apparently this is one of the things my quack sees as part of the consideration for me to start coming off zoloft, reducing the dose over time. Yes, this should help arrest the weight gain, but I am going to get back to my exercise routine as soon as my shoulder gets a little better. <P>Mentally, coming off the zoloft scares me a little because I don't think I've seen the end of depression-causing antics from my WS. If we get into a promising recovery, then I'd be more comfortable and could go off completely. But right now, I feel terrific and my normal, cheerful (some would say obnoxious)demeanor is back - so I don't want to slip backwards with a pre-mature reduction in meds. I think a lot of this is the benefits of Plan A and looking ahead to a better life - whether it includes my wife or not. It's kind of ironic that when the affair was red hot back in July and August, I was a wreck, but my wife was glowing and on top of thw world. Now, I am in much, much better shape than she is, and it gives me a little feeling of now being the one that's winning.<P>Dave

Dear Dave,<P>I can never resist getting in on your "off topics." I lost 30 pounds on the diet (I'm not on meds). Most of the excess weight was from 3 babies in 4 years and the rest was stuff that crept on in my sedentary pre-baby job. I now weigh almost what I did when first married.<P>I had lousy eating habits during that time, a lot of no eating. The one good thing I did was to exercise at the same time which has been a great stress reliever. With my 3 little boys, it is hard to get out to exercise, but I have a treadmill in the basement that I do about 2 miles on almost every night after they go to bed.<P>When my H first told me he was unhappy (6 months before dday), he said that he took the fact that I didn't lose my baby weight and get back in shape right away as a sign of my lack of love for him. When I did lose the weight, he was just about the only person I knew that wasn't telling me how great I looked. I realize now that I was taking away one of his justifications for the A, but at the time, I thought it was cruel beyond belief! (Maybe I still do!)<P>Oh well. You hit a nerve with this one Dave. My advice: get walking!

WAT,<BR>I was walking on the treadmill like a mad woman before H moved out ( I deep down inside knew something was going on) because I needed to lose weight. Then after D day ( July '99) I didn't eat but only enough to sustain life, and kept walking on the tm. Therefore, I had already begun to lose weight, and continued to do so.<P>When I began to stablize in Nov. or Dec.'99, after H came back..., I had lost about 25 lbs. However, I am not on meds, supposed to be, I have gained all the weight back and I am so disappointed in myself for allowing that to happen. I am supposed to be my H's trophy! <P>He says now that maybe he should have stayed gone... He has also gained much weight for his small frame, since returning. Nannie, nannie, boo, boo!!!!<P>I don't want to have to lose weight that way again, it was sickening. But, I need major motivation to get with the program, for my own well being. MOTIVATE ME!!!!!<P>Cathy

Cathy - hmmmm, motivate you, huh? OK, how's this without a lot of thought: All of us want to restore or maintain our marriages, and typically we all do Plan A of sorts. As you know, Plan A is mostly about improving yourself to be better able to meet your spouse's ENs. Usually, somewhere on everyone's list of important ENs, is having an attractive spouse. I, for one, think we should Plan A forever - or at least be mindful if we're meeting our spouse's ENs, which means, TA DAA: being as attractive as nature will allow us! So get with the program and meet all the ENs!<P>(Sorry, this is the best I could do from a distance.)<P>Dave

Dave, <P>I am so glad that you are feeling better and I have noticed how "chipper" you have been as of late. A few pounds is a pretty fair trade off for a bit of peace on this insane rollercoaster we are riding. I wouldn't worry too much about the weight. Do what you have to do to keep yourself in a good state of mind. How about bungee snowboarding next time?