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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 20 |
I've started Plan Aing a couple of days ago (and it's damn hard if you're living seperated). <BR>I've done my best not to "intervene", just call her and tell her that I miss her etc. WS is still deciding whether or not she wants to give saving the marriage a shot.<P>However when we talked she was talking about guys bringing over drugs that she loved smoking which I did not know what they were.<P>I did some research and found out last night that the main one they like bringing to her house turns out to be Marijuana mixed with Rufies (the date-rape drug). <P>It is more than well possible that these male co-workers are drugging and raping her and she doesn't even know it!<P>What can I do??? If I take any action, I'll push her so far away, give the ultimate love buster. But if I don't......<P>
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 20 |
Bumping this topic up with a quick update. She doesn't even want me to call her anymore, says she needs some space. I haven't made any needless calls, and have limited myself to 2 short calls max. per day telling her that I miss her. <P>I'm pretty sure she was at OM's place during her lunch break. <P>I'm pretty much dying here, I can't see her, now I can't even hear her voice. I feel like my love bank is getting more and more overdrawn into the red with each and every day. I can't find any type of support of counseling for myself that I trust in my area.
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283 |
Maybe someone who has been in your position will respond, but I have read that counselors generally advise that the substance abuse problem has to be dealt with first, that someone who is using generally is chemically removed enough from their feelings that any true relationship work is impossible.<P>You are in a tough, tough place. Esp. given how young she was when you married...she is likely in many ways no longer the same person.<P>My best advice is to hit the counsel link above and schedule a session or two with Steve Harley or his sister...the sessions are by phone, and can be arranged pretty easily. I know that you said earlier that money is tight, but with the complications you are facing, I really think you need a pro to guide you.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 233
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 233 |
Hi Mid,<P>What Kam said is true. Myself being a substance abuser. Drugs were my number one priorty in life. No one, not my H, kids, anything would come before that. It is hard to understand if your not an addict.<P>The only thing you can do right now is let her go. Get to an Al-Anon meeting. There you will get the support you need. It will be hard, but you can't save her.<P>PJ
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457 |
I have no advice. I do think getting help for you is very important. I can only imagine the pain of wanting to help and protect someone you love and having that rejected. Please seek therapy for yourself.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 20 |
Yeah, thanks for the help guys. I'm going to an al-anon meeting tonite.<BR>Actually feel kinda better now, thanks ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif)
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283 |
Just stopped by to check on you. Glad you are going to an Al-ANon meeting...good step!<P>Hang in there--<P>Kathi
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