My husband and I have been married for 7 yrs now. We have been together for almost 9. I am 36 he is 32. Five yrs ago he had an affair and recently has started to "play" on the internet. When confronted about the issues and if he wants to repair this marriage a new issue has come up that puts a whole different spin on things. He now wants children. He has doubts about saving this marriage b/c of that issue. He knew from the start of this relationship this was an issue. I could not have them and did not want to try nor did I want to adopt. Are they any couples out there who have survived this issue. I can't ask him to live the rest of his life childless and vice versa. I am so heartbroken and lost. This is the third serious relationship (but only 1 marriage) that has fallen part due to this issue

Aspur2,<P>I am like you. I have no desire to have children. First I just really like my life without them. Auntie is enough for me. Second, Most of the women in my maternal side of the family have nearly died in child birth. I saw first hand what an awful time my sister had with both children. I never want to go through that. It is amazing my nephew and my sister lived through it. My mom had to be hospitalized for several months with me. <P>I have made it plane to Tony from the very beginning that I never want to have children. I think at first he thought he could talk me out of it. I have always maintained that if he wanted children he was free to leave. <P>Like you, Tony has cheated on me. To be honest it seems from what you said he is not sure he can stop the on-line activity but also wants a child. Do not even think about having a child now. You have a lot of issues to work through before that one. <P>Our lives seem so simular. Tony is younger than me as well. As one therapist pointed out to me that I should not compromise on issues that are very important to me. I have done so in the past with Tony and have become very angry and bitter over it. Not to lambast the men here but if you do give in and have a child you will proably be the one being the primary caregiver for it. Do you really want that.<P>I am 32 and still know I do not want a child. I asume at 36 if you still do not want a child it is a sure thing you are not going to change your mind. I mean I have broken my biological clock. Smashed it up against the walls ages ago. My Mom knows full well I will not have children. It is just me. And there is nothing wrong with it.

Are you and Toni still together? Wayne says he is not sure he has made the right deicision to leave. I can't ask him to spend his life childless if that is what he truely wants. <P>Yes, I know I would end up being the primary care giver. I have had no interest in having children for as long as I can remember. I have brothers and a sister who had children and friends who have children and I get a fix that way whenever I crave that child thing but I still don't want children. <P>Does you and Toni plan on splitting permanently? I don't know I can't seem to get a grip on spending the rest of my life w/o him. BUt I also know I can't keep him

Hi Aspur2,<P>Yes Tony and I are still together. We had some really long discussions over children. I infomred him that I will probably never change my mind on having them. I also explained to him why I felt this way. I think he processed it and decided that we, as a couple, would not like having children. <P>I also had to deal with his family accusing me of wanting to get pregnant for money. I had to laugh over that one. At the time I was not laughing and if I let myself ponder on it I still get angry. It just shows that they do not know me at all.<P>I think you should just inform him that you have no desire to have children and that he should think about this. But my main concern is why is he talking about a baby now. You have more pressing issues than a child. What are you doing about his affairs? Trust me his on-line activity is a major issue. Try not go get bogged down in a shadow issue focus on the affairs now.<P>Tony has always started his cheating on-line. He would meet women have cyber sex, upgrade to phone sex and then if lucky upgrade again to real life sex. This is the issue we have been working on. Really try and focus on his "play" on the internet. What exactly does he do on the internet? How do you feel about this? really examine this.

Well, it seems like my husband wants to go to counselling and is willing to accept the fact that we will not have children if we stay togehter. He is willing to stay off the internet unless it is something he can do while I am still in the room. Most of our problem is communication and making time for one another (jobs and financial situation is at a very concerning status - not critical mass yet but close). We have agreed to still live apart and seek counselling. We spent some time together this weekend by doing on a "date" - like starting over. <P>I am not sure this is the right approach but I have cautious optimizm about the whole thing. I am seeking counselling for myself aside from the marriage counselling since we come from such different backgrounds yet almost alike. By that I mean, even though our means of communication are different (his family is passive-agressive and don't talk about "things" where my family was loud and argumentative and yelled about things) if he is truly committed to counselling then we should seek a happy middle ground. Still I will always wonder if he will regret the childless status background he has chosen to be with me.