I too am considering starting Plan B.<BR>I have been in Plan A for 8 months. H continues to see OW but says it is only a friendship. Says he can control himself not to go to PA. Wants to be able to talk to her and have lunch with her, etc. But also has admitted he has love feelings for her. He is now being honest about the time he is spending with her by letting me know when he is. <BR>When I ask him what he wants he says he wants to be married to me, work with me, raise our son together, etc. Says he doesn't want to leave me to be with her. Realizes that is impossible since she is married and doesn't want to leave her relationship. He has even told her that he loves me and wants to be with me. He tells me that he loves me more now than he did a few months ago. He says he doesn't want me to feel sad any more. He has admitted that his relationship with her is like an addiction which he wouldn't have done a few months ago. Some days I feel hopeful that the fog will lift as I have seen some progress in the past several weeks but other times I don't see and end in the near future. I am trying to accept his honesty without LB as I realize his honesty is a big step, but I don't know how long I can go on. <BR>I have to consider our 3 year old son and what impact Plan B would have on him. I feel torn about what to do. He is not totally withdrawn from me and I know I do not want to divorce him I still love him.<BR>How long can this go on. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Hi,<BR>I don't know your story, but do you live with your H? It's good your H wants to be with you. But he continue to see OW. And he can't control himself to see OW, how does he know he can control not to go to PA? I don't know if it's good your H admits that feeling for OW is like an addiction, because looks like he almost knows what is going on.. and does nothing about it. His actions and words are 2 different things, that's the problem. If he admits about being addicted to OW, he should get help. Are you two seeing a therapist? Also does he know without cutting off contact with OW, there's no chance to have a better marriage? I can't give you advice, but hope someone else come up with good idea on this(all I can do is sending this post on the top ).<P>Hugs,<P>Meg

dearest hurten<P>I am so sorry to see the situation you are in. As previously, it sounds like mine. i guess i have decided over the past 48 hours that the H's do have it right. You cannot rebuild the mariiage while OW is still on the scene. it seems like you have made some progress but what is it doing to you ? At what cost to you ? I accepted h's on-going "friendship" with OW and if you read my post you will see that i think now it was a mistake. But i cant advise you what is best in your case. Eventually your heart - and your general well being will tell you. Look after yourself<P>R

MF-and Rosebrook- Thanks for your input, Yes, i live with my H, No we are not seeing a therapist. H has refused to see someone. I have been counselling with my pastor which has helped me work on my issues. I know my love is diminishing for my H, I can't continue like this for too much longer. I am trying to keep our home intact for our son but I'm no longer sure that is the right thing for him. My Plan A is getting weaker. <BR>I know my heart will tell me when the time is right.

Rosebrook asks some good questions for you to consider. Let me ask a few more. Does H have anything at all to lose from continuing contact with OW? You have a lot going for you on your side of things.......he says he loves you and wants to stay married to you,BUT, BUT, BUT......... He's addicted(he knows it),he won't see a counselor(they'd tell him he has to give OW up in order to have any chance of having a healthy marriage). Will continuing Plan A change any of this? You have been at it for 8 months and it's now damaging you inside. Doing more of the same will get you exactly that......more of the same. Plan B can be modified for small children, it's called acting "as if" you are divorced, a separation with contact limitted to parenting issues ONLY and preferably by e-mail or phone, not in person. He's got to have some consequence for his behavior. If there is none why would he give up what brings him so much pleasure? Plan B behavior on the part of a BS is a powerful motivator for a WS who is still in love with their spouse and wants to stay married. Change your course of action and you're more likely to get a change in H as well. God bless and good luck!