That book again.<BR>I found it interesting that it talks about marriage being conditional. There are some things that we won't tolerate and stay married. He mentions several conditions. One being if your spouse has an affair, another if your spouse tells you they don't love you and a third being if your spouse beats you... there were more, but they dont apply to us.<P>So it got me to thinking... I guess 1 and 2 are not conditions to me. 3 is for sure and I am trying to think what my other ones are.<BR>Then I wonder if 1 and 2 would have been conditions for me if I hadn't read Harleys book first and learned that those things can change. I was never one that said if he cheated we would divorce... never really thought about it.<P>I am saying to myself that if nothing is changed by the 6 month of seperation mark, I will divorce, but it doesnt feel real definate to me.<P>What are your conditions? <BR>Lora

Lora,<BR>I found even as I moved through the last 2 years, my "final" conditions moved several times. Discovering & the resumptions of his affair didn't send me to divorce, neither did 6 separations (the 7th maybe did). We got into physical confrontations, my H's actions were defensive against my aggression, but we both had bruises. The escalation of that was scary...and I believe that's how some domestic violence happens. And the words we have thrown at each other were horrible.<P>I have wondered a few times where my conditions are now. But there is little point in dwelling on what would happen should he leave again...I'll handle it, I have before. I think I'd go directly to divorce, but then, I didn't think I would reconcile this time...and I don't regret a bit of the past 8 months.<P>It's a good question, Lora.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

I guess most of us on here do not have the condition of an affair ending our marrige.<P>I wonder if anyone here said that before they learned of their spouses affair?<BR>Lora

Before my H began his affair, it never even occurred to me that he would. I trusted him completely. I told my H long before we married that I did not believe in divorce.<P>When he announced that he wanted a divorce, I was suspicious but not at all sure that he was having an affair. That day, I asked him if he was aware that I did not want a divorce under any circumstances, even if he was having an affair, and he said yes. <P>At that time I had read no books on the subject, and had no clue that affairs are involved in almost all divorces.

Hi all:<P>Guess what we don't know when we first marry is what a profound effect being with someone for such a length of time has on us...even up to the amount of pain we'll endure for their sake. It's easy outside of a relationship or at the beginning to say "I'd divorce his b*** if he ever cheated on me....." But face to face with it...it's harder to make that decision to let go...and at times its not always the for the best...circumstances change our options...so we go with our hearts until we can go no further. Hard on the heart..but a necessary fight for the survival or death of a love.<BR>A fight I don't regret.<P>I send you Angels and Prayers ~ Faye<BR> <P>