After over a year separation, my W has been home for several months. When she first came home she was in severe withdrawal, I think because it was OM who ended it. During the first couple of months we had many bad conversations where she told me how much she loved OM. <P>As a result, I have almost completely withdrawn from her. We are still friendly with each other, but there are no involved conversations. No talk about recovery, or how we're going to improve our marriage. I am existing for our children, who have shown amazing improvement since we got back together. I feel terrible about how I feel, sometimes I wish I hadn't let her come home.<P>This weekend I plan to give her the EN worksheet along with my completed one. I want to start making real progress, either to fix the problems we have, or to end it. I've had two extremely bad years in a row, I don't want to have a third. It's coming up on two years since d-day and I feel like we should be farther along.<P>Right now I'm more afraid that she will want to try to fix our marriage, it would be a relief to just walk away from her. I have so many doubts about our future because of the way she's been the last two years or so. <P>I want to start pushing the process along without seeming pushy. Is there any way to do that?

Even if your wife won't go to couseling, you can go on your own and get some benifit from it. <P>I have been reading a book and it states that marriage is a choice. Do you want to be married or not. If the answer is no you should get a divorce. If the answer is yes or maybe then it only makes sense to work to be fulfilled in your marriage. Maybe you can honastly discuss with your wife what your options are.... remaining married and miserable is a really poor choice. And it is a choice. If you are choosing to stay married even if its just for the kids at this point... you both owe it to yourselves to find some way to get back to some kind of fulfillment.<P>Lora

You know how I think about it sometimes?? (And I've told him this) . . I'm going to hold on to "us" right now, for both of us, maybe someday you'll pay me back & do the same for me.<P>Not that I think that I would ever do anything like this to him, but I don't think he ever thought he would either . . somebody has to be the strong one. All of us here right now are the strong ones. Look at how much we are all learning-about ourselves, about relationships, about being a grown up. <P>Everything happens for a reason. I guess someday we will all find out what that reaon is.<P> <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>"Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways." Proverbs 20:30

Dear Iguy:<P>Know what the problems is? Your WS has not let go of OM and until she does she will not make any overt actions toward restoring your marriage. <P>So, similarly to confronting this problem with an ongoing affair, you have to bend over backwards and Plan A her until she's willing to meet you at least half way.<P>To confound the problem you have all these unresolved feelings about her A that you have to deal with. So, it's kinda a stalemate...and since you appear to be the one who wants to rock the boat then you have to make the first steps...as unfair as that seems. <P>I have lived with the WS who is home but only in body...his spirit is still with OP...that hurt so bad I wasn't willing to do what was necessary to lure him back...and he left again. Don't make my mistake...put aside your wounded pride and do what is necessary. You can't spend another year in the limbo can you?<P><BR>I send you Prayers and Angels ~ Faye<P><BR>

I liked Faye advice to you & Lor, both hit home to me, really hard. Going to address in a new thread, so I don't take over yours.<P>Just do what you have to do for you, to make you happy, but don't forget your kids, will you be happy, if you make them unhappy?<BR>