I liked what Buffy & LOr both wrote to Idiotguy. Both of their remarks hit home very hard. I like that about marriage is a choice. I am not ready not to be married, whether it is because I am scared to be and by the time it could happen 46 unemployed divorce woman with 2 boys or I still feel enough love for my H to hang in a bit longer.<P>I don't think I have tried very hard since we came to Asia, in my defense I was too hurt with all that happened in the wks before my departure & events that followed. I have decided to be happy for me, work on me really hard, in some of that I might meet some of H's greatest EN but I would be fine. I was doing great but H has a business trip planned where he will see OW or it was planned to see OW. I didn't LB about it at all, never asked questions (you should see hole in my tongue). The trip is 10 days to 3 countries (Japan, USA, & Middle East), at least 3 of those days will be spent traveling, so that leaves even if 1 day in Japan & Middle East, a total of 5 days or less in the states. He left last night, I wasn't planning on contacting him at all, except for details if I find anything open for plans we are trying to do for Chinese New Year & a list of things to get in the states, over counter medicines, clothes for sons, bk for me, nothing else unless I hear from him or fwds that need to go to him from family or school.<P>Last night I was reading & posting on here, think it was in WAt/Dave's LB thread I mentioned I was waiting for OS to come home. I wrote & then cut about how you lose more sleep with teenagers than babies because you are always waiting for them to come in, & worrying about where, what they are doing. With in 30 minutes my OS comes home a whole 45 minutes early. He had been hit in the face at a club (expat kids go anywhere here, as they don't have to worry about driving, taxis are easy to get at the night spots & Asians don’t say no to expat kids,) he wasn't supposed to be there but you know kids. He has a busted lip, a good cut under his nose. He is all right now, but I spent a pretty sleepless night. It is not easy knowing someone hit your kid to hurt him, not like little kids fight, there is something involved in this I don't know. But the main thing I had to let his dad know, do you think he will enjoy his time with OW, he is in Japan now & won't get to states till MOn. If this trip was planned just to see her, will he fell bad or what. <P>I have already had 4 emails from him. I have the phone unhooked, because when my son doesn't answer his hp (handphone) they were calling here last night. HP are a part of every teenagers body here, if they are not talking, they are messaging each other. I am tried think I will go take a nap. Sorry if this was to rambling. <BR>

Sing,<P>I have a huge respect on you, because you stay calm when your H is going to see OW.<BR>But I know it is really hard for you. Especially when your son got in trouble and you don't have some one to turn to..<BR>But at least it's good he's sending you e-mails .. Who knows, maybe he wants to try to make things straight with OW.. Maybe he wants to end it for good.<P>Sing, I feel for you, you have to deal with so many things. When do things get easier?<P>Take care, and you will be in my prayers.<P>Meg<BR>

Dear Sing,<P>I am feeling a little vindictive this morning. If your H's trip was planned just to see OW, I hope his trip has now turned into a GUILT trip the size of Asia after hearing about his son. I'm sure you handled the situation well, but it is just the type of thing that really calls out for a father too. I hope your son is doing well and I hope you'll be able to find some peace of mind the next time he leaves the house!<P>I understand your comments about still wanting the marriage and being fearful of divorce. With what you have already survived though, they is no doubt in my mind that you could survive divorce if you had to. The point is you don't want to. <P>Given your situation, it would be hard or impossible to go to plan B right now. So I guess your only real choice is how much you plan A or how much you just survive by working on yourself until you get back to the States where you would have more choices.<P>My guess is that when your H comes home from this trip, you will be able to tell from him which way to go. From what you have described, your H treats you like a polite stranger that just happens to be the mother of his children. It is tough to meet his ENS in that situation so maybe it would be best to just work on your end.<P>I'm not sure this is advice or just me rambling away. I just want you to keep that peace I have sensed in you lately and it is hard to do that when you are trying to actively love someone that keeps rejecting that love.<P>As always, my prayers are with you and also your sons. (I've already said what my thoughts are for your H!)

Exhausted, <P>You are a lady after my own heart. It wasn't my 1st thought but in the middle of the long night last night, I thought, H will feel so guilty about this & I couldn't help but smile. I didn't email till morning as he was on flying.<P>I don't know what I will do the next time he goes out. Luckily he was willing to stay in the rest of the weekend. Next weekend he will go on interim, & the next he will back but lots of the kids won't be, & H will be home for that weekend, I think.<P>The reason I didn't LB big time about this trip was that I knew if I did it would not help. He would see her with lots of resentment built up toward me & there she would be in all her perfect glory while the witch was back home. Let's hope that she is the one doing all the LBing. Of course, I have about 3 drafts in my email, that I didn't send, & about 10 that I wrote & deleted. Every one of them helped me feel better.<P>You are right I am at peace. If it works out between us great but if not well it will be his lost not mine. I think I am doing a Plan A but only for me at this point, if I were where I could do Plan B, I would have sent the letter. That is why I am not responding to much to everyone who has stared wondering if they should, I feel like I am cheerleader saying do it, do it.<P>The funniest thing happened this evening. We had walked down to this 24 hr clinic, OS had started worrying about scaring, & then we hiked up the hill (after 19 yrs in flat country this hill is a killer, but getting more use to it) home. I had bought a chair for the garden, the boys carried it up, so hear I sat enjoying the peace while listening to YS play with the neighbors, I have been trying to read one of those read the Bible in yr, I can never do them but I was catching up (I did), when I finished being to lazy to go find something else, I just randomly opened this Bible (this version is in chorological order, so it is arrange a little different) & it opened to Proverbs 5 where it was talking about adulteress. I thought how timely. I think it describes what happened to my WH to a T.<P><BR>

Meg,<P>Thanks for the prayers. Prayers are always welcomed.<P>I don't think H is going to end it with OW. Mainly because he is a whimp (he hate that label on him). He has never been able to break with her, or me for that matter to our faces, he doesn't believe in the no contact letter, & while he was still working with her, I could see it but once here.....<P>

Hi sing,<P>Glad you liked my post... Don't get me confused with Lor though, I am Lora I think Lor is much wiser than me.<P>Did you read my post before that about my role as a wife? It talks about picking out the qualities you want to have as a wife and working on them. Rate yourself and try to improve. I think it is a kind of turned around plan A. You can do it more for yourself... be what you want to be.. I think its the working on yourself part of that I had a hard time defining.<P>And of course as you change, your H is forced to change too. Maybe use this time when he is gone to define what you want to be like and start to practice it in small steps with out him to undermine you and resist your changes.<P>Lora<P><BR>

Lora,<P>Sorry that I got you confused. Still liked what you had to say & think both of you are wise.<P>Exhausted,<P>Well, this is how guilty my WH was: <P><<And I am so angry - I wanted to get on a plane and go back to Singapore - but I am too angry right now. I might really hurt someone.>><P>Of course if he had done that we all know who would be even more angry. Right the 1st time the OW. I knew he wouldn't come back, but I guess a tiny part of me hoped he would.<P><BR>So how are you doing better or hanging?<P>

Dear Sing,<P>It's probably better that he didn't come home in a way -- more guilt on his part, especially when (if?) he sees OW.<P>My H seems to really be having a hard time not seeing the kids. It continues to make me feel like less than a zero, though. I know how much he loves and misses those little boys, but apparently I'm still too awful etc. for him to come back and work on our marriage. <P>It was my weekend with the boys, but H suggested that we all go swimming tonight. I was rather truthful when he asked and told him I had mixed feelings because it felt bad to be ignored when we were all together. Like the masochist I seem to have become, I finally agreed because the boys would like it and it is hard to take them all swimming by myself.<P>After the boys were in bed, H asked me what I meant about being ignored and I tried to explain and then also told him how much it hurt to play happy family and then have him leave each time again. He asked me how I was doing and I told him how much I missed him and babbled a bit more than I wanted to. He told me at the end of the conversation that he missed me too, whatever that means.<P>Later when he came back with the boys' swim trunks, which he had left at the pool, he made a point of saying bye and looking at me at least. I guess that was probably in response to the whole ignore thing. I was proud that I sent his bloody towel (OS had a bloody nose in the pool) with him instead of washing it here!<P>He's going to be traveling for work a lot over the next 3 weekends so the good news is that I won't be without the boys too much.<P>I hope your son's face is doing better. It's hard for me to ever see my kids get hurt. This must be extra hard for you knowing that someone did it purposely. My guess is that there is less tension in your house with H gone so maybe you can focus on that positive while he is gone.<P>It has occurred to me that something that your H and mine may well have in common is that their relationship with OW is really in that dream state where things look really great because they never really deal with the reality of it. <P>Even though my H has moved out, I still am not sure if he is really seeing OW much outside of work. It could be that his twisted sense of integrity is stopping anything other than stolen conversations in which case they are still in that dreamland.<P>The reason I mention this is that your H seeing the OW could be a good thing because she probably can't live up to the dream that the physical distance between them may have created. I know that may sound like I'm stretching, but I think there is some truth to it.<P>In any event, I'll pray for you that you don't think too much about him and OW while he is gone.

Exhausted,<P>Thanks for the prayers. So far I am not freaking out too much. I did pray a great deal today. I think I prayed every chapter in the Power of a Praying Wife that might possibles apply.<P>He called last night for OS, he was in bed watching a movie, didn't want to go down a floor, said he call back tonight, didn't really want to talk to me, I think he was in an airport, not sure.I did email list of things to pick up, got a return seeking clarification on clothes for sons, so sent links to the stores so he could see what he is looking for. If he does the shopping, at least it will keep them busy for a while, sure she will not like it. : Doubt he will do it.<P>I really think he is there seeing about another job, seeing his lawyer, & to make her happy, I mean it has been 3 months since the last time they saw each other. <P>I don't think he told the boys he was going to the states, OS would be suspicious if he had. But then OS is so wrapped up in his soap opera life, & his interim trip that nothing else matters, except for the girl who messages him all the time on her phone, luckily she goes to bed early. <P>Well enjoy your time with your boys; I would guess that with your H gone things are easier. <P>Prayers as always.<BR>