My wife told a mutual friend last week that we have a "great relationship". Hmmmmm, maybe she is referring to someone else. I found it rather humorous myself. Unfortunately, she also threw in that her mom is 100% behind what she is doing (just leaving, not an A because of course that HAS NOT happened). Well, subtract 100 from the 100% and that is how much MIL is behind it.<P>On another note, analysis club members swing into action. My wife dislocated her shoulder yesterday skiing, is referred to surgeon, has a brace on, was at hospital till 3AM. Of course this is unfortunate, but the irony of it is that I've done it several times, and am awaiting surgery (it takes awhile). She wanted me to ski over the holidays when her friend cancelled, but I said no. One fall and my shoulder would be out again. I've done it throwing my jacket over on a chair. She kept trying to convince me to go. Part of her "problem" with our marriage is that we didn't do enough fun stuff (never mind that it was she that was a home body and never wanted to do much, till the last year). But in the last year, my stuff was limited because of my shoulder, so I was in a catch 22.<P>I guess now she will be restricted too. In my analytical mind, I'm wondering what long term effect her current state will have on OM, and our marriage. She'll have this brace on for a bit, and eventually have to have surgery, possibly. She used to love it when I "took care" of her, when she got sick. I hope OM is doing a good job of it now...I'm assuming he was on the slopes too.<P>Her first taste of the singles life, back last February, 4 months before she said our marriage was crap/over, was playing volleyball with a gang of mostly single and divorced people. Then softball in the summer. I was registered for softball in the spring, but when I threw my shoulder out again, I decided I couldn't play. Almost seemed like a pivotal point, because we definitely needed to find some common interests as a couple. Anyway, I think all that stuff is out for her now. Where does that leave her new lifestyle? Most of the gang of friends have moved on. There is really one left, plus OM. Is this a potential small dose of reality juice? Or are my spider senses just getting the best of me? Or am I just bored because the kids are having a snooze?<P>

Rick - you want MY advice on something concerning separated shoulders? Don't go snowboarding!<P>Hey, my analyzers are running full speed. The shoulder thing certainly can take the wind out of her sails, and maybe blow a little fog away. You know the drill, hope for the best, but always expect less, on these potential upsets in the status quo. But definitely is a significant wrinkle in the norm up to now.<P>Almost called you last night, but son ended up here with me and we watched TV. Want to join me tonight? Our au pair's friends (other au pairs) are throwing her a going away party at my house. Should have about 10 different nationalities - with me as chaperone! (My son will get all their attention).<P>dave

Dear Rick<P>From what you have said of the OM you can bet he is NOT taking care of her in the way that she probably needs. I'm sure that it will be an occasion for her to make a comparison. <P>But my guess is every time you win in the comparison department it helps you long term, but maybe not short term yet. The fog may well lead her to feel like she has to do some extra justification after you "win" and she'll probably do something weird. (Although it will give the rest of us something to try and analyze.) <P>I know I've stopped worrying so much about my tendency to overanalyze because it gives my brain something concrete to focus on and helps stop me from obsessing so much. It helps me distance myself from my own hurt and gives me the illusion, which I need sometimes, that I actually have some control.<P>I think it can only be a positive sign that she is getting so isolated. I expect it will make her weirder though before it makes her better, but still a good thing.

Dave: Good luck with the gathering tonight. I was just relaxing at home last night doing a bit of work. If you do try and call another time, hopefully I got the formula right. I was glad to read that you are doing better today, after the LB fallout. If I was close by I'd buy some Samuel Adams and drop by.<P>Exhausted: You may be right about the weirdness being first. Who knows what will happen. I think I'm in for a long ride, either way. I heard from my wife once today, but she was at work, and had to go, then nothing else. OM must be taking care of her tonight. Kind of sad for me to know that she is injured and I'm not playing my usual role. Oh well, such is life.<P>Thanks my friends for the comments. Things for me have been quite calm of late. Can only mean that "a situation" is probably not too far off. Goodness knows what. I find when it doesn't change for awhile, I wonder what is up. Turbulence almost seems more comforting in a weird way, since it shows problems in GreenGrassVille. Don't really want turbulence though.

<BR>Your WW's idea of a "great relationship" makes me laugh. Sorry, but I get the giggles just thinking how she could say it with a straight face. Maybe she meant that she is getting her cake & eating it also. She has the OM as a boy toy & you to take the kids help her out, & she knows that you will be there to help her out.<P>I am still in my evil mode, so can't help hoping her shoulder bothers her big time, & boy toy is no help.<BR>

sing,<P>She has become a master at saying ridiculous things with a straight face. However, her face does something that certain people can read. Boy toy must be helping...she got a drive into work yesterday and today, and has a complicated brace on, that must require more than one person to put on. Ironically, she did say this morning that "I understand now why you wouldn't go skiing with me now that I've dislocated my shoulder and know what it is like".<P>We brought her a box of chocolates wrapped in wrapping paper with hearts on it, and a little teddy bear on top (all prewrapped ). I have to muster up energy to do these things now, and they aren't going on indefinitely. That I know.<P>Thanks.

Yo Rick - good move with the chocolates. All I got from WS for my shoulder was a phone call - which I thought was a major step forward - but a lot of caring from my son. He keeps me going.<P>Dave

Rick, this little crimp in your W's lifestyle could be very enlightening for her as far as OM is concerned. He could very easily fall short by comparison as far as "taking care" of her goes.<P>You know, I always wondered if OM would be there for me/stand by me if necessary - I was never able to come up with an answer, although deep down I think I knew.<P>People show their true character in times of crisis . . . or situations they find "inconvenient".

rick,<P>I dislocated my shoulder many years ago when I was single. It is not much fun when you have no one - I had quit a job I hated and looked forward to some fun time, instead I couldn't even drive for almost a month since I had a stick shift.<P>The big question in my mind is do you go all out in Plan A so she feels taken care of?<P>Or do you let her have a taste of the life she has chosen?<P>What do you think?