Can a person who has had affairs for more than 32 years of marriage (actually one during our engagement) really change? Today he is 100 percent committed to our marriage. He is trying very hard. It's me thinking that this is just like every other time. He's changing because he doesn't want me to leave. But I believe that as soon as he has me back where he wants me and the opportunity presents itself, he'll be back at his old tricks. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Any advice?

I know zilch about serial affairs, but do recall that the book <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0393307077/o/qid=979482943/sr=8-1/ref=aps_sr_b_1_1/105-0186017-3873519" TARGET=_blank>Private Lies, by Frank Pittman</A> has a section on them. You might want to check it out.<P>Hope this is of some help...<P>Kathi

ummmmm i am not convinced he can change his colors. <P>I had an affair..sexually, then eneded up in one for 2yrs emotional and physical.. and then i after a year ended up back with the guy (again) and then after we moved i got into an online affair and then my mind has wondered to others... i feel that each time an opportunity has presented itself..i am not acting appropriately married.<P>I would like to believe i would never cheat again......i would like to believe cause my H is meeting a lot of my needs that I wouldn't want to cheat....but i cannot be sure that IF teh opportunity presents itself that i wouldn't misbehave.<P>The one thing my pastor said about this is that I need to put "fences" around what i do. Keep the temptation away. I konw it certainly works as long as i am dead to society.<P>i wish i had better news..but i am not sure it is possible. I has come to light that my sis and brother in law are going through this right now..he has been unfaithful for 9 yrs of marriage..the WHOLE marriage. He told me he has a real problem with women and is NOT sure he can be faithful but that he does love his wife(my sis).??????<P>read taht book that was recommended.....i am going to buy it soon.. for hopfully more revealation on addictions.<P>mercy

I am currently reading "Private Lies" and it has some good stuff in it.<P>Thanks, Mercy, for being so honest with me. I am not feeling very encouraged about all of this. I keep wanting to hope. But, the horror of it and the severity of his problems continue to haunt me.<P>It's amazing how wonderful he is being since I found out about this last round of affairs (November 30). And, I know that he is sincere...for now. He loves me and does not want to lose me. The thing is that he always returns to the old ways. Sometimes it takes a couple years, but he always returns. Now, I not only have to be concerned about emotional damage, but I have to fear STDs (he never uses protection).<P>I find that I have no idea what to do. I continue to read. I go to counseling. I feel more lost than ever.<P>

I am sorry robliegh... <P>now..it does sound as if he has a sexual addiction. Have you read anything on affairs? such as Harleys materia...surviving an affair or Torn Asunder? Look on the internet about sexual addiction.. he could go to counseling and eventually ccan get out of it. But alone, i am not sure how possible that is?? <P>IF i were you tho i wouldn't be resuming anything sexual because reality says that an STD can kill you. I know that is harse but it is true... becareful... I know he means well...and the fact of the affair coming out always makes the one being unfaithful sorry and very much "inlove" with their spouses. Check into some counseling for him and for you!!! on sex addictions.<P>good luck,<BR>god bless,<BR>mercy