Is my thinking outdated? My W doesn't want to work on our marriage and is thinking about if she wants to stay or divorce me. I found out that another friend supports her views when I thought she supported mine! My W's friends want to support her anyway they can and tell her to do what is best for her and what makes her happy!<P>I feel the right thing to do is to work on your marriage. The things I did aren't that bad. I took her for granted and didn't meet all her emotional needs. I was never mean or abusive or anything real bad.<P>What do you guy's think? Is my thinking "old school" and out of touch with the times? Are women not suppose to work on a marriage when times get tough because this is not the 50's and women don't have to take it anymore?<P>Just a thought because I'm annoyed, disappointed, and down.

Well Ihurt,<P>The thing is, and I think you know this, I don't see a big difference between men and women when it comes to this stuff. <P>I hate to ask for too much info, but it does sound like you did your fair share of lovebusting. There are plenty of bad things that may not fall under mean or abusive...like neglect for instance. Sorry I don't know more about your story...was there infidelity? I'll go back to your old posts for more info.<P>I guess what I want to know is are you doing a good job meeting her needs? Not YOUR needs, hers. Whether it's the '50's or the '00's people wanted to be treated with respect and feel good. Hey even Ward and June must have had their rough times, but hung in there.<P>And the friends...people will tell a friend exactly what they want to hear...I'm guilty of doing that too when a good friend of mine was having an affair. Not till I was betrayed did I give much thought to the right or wrong of the whole thing. Let that go. <P>allison

Allison,<BR>I was the cause of my W falling out of love with me because of taking her for granted, thoughtlessness, etc. By the time W explained her feelings that something was wrong, W was done and didn't want to work on marriage anymore. W has been having an EA with OM for over a year. W moved out to figure what she wants. My W hold resentment towards me for every little or big thing I've down since we've been married. I've been plan A'ing before I even knew what plan a was from books I read before I found this site. I'm just frustrated with waiting and working on marriage and W just sits on the fence. Yes, June and Ward probably had bad times and hung in there. My W wants to leave .

I'm sorry for where you are ihurt. My W is still with me and has no active EA at present. Her thinking is similar to your W's though, and she was in the midst of an EA until last month (short one).<P>W is trying to decide her feelings before she commits to anything. She is not working on the relationship either. She told me let's live day to day for now and see where we wind up. I think she wants to stay because of the effects to our kids and the things that she would lose, but it hurts that these are not enough to keep her with us. Not to mention that to me I do meant forever. I too neglected my W, but she neglected me to and we got to the point of withdrawal "hand in hand".<P>Now that I am aware and changing and willing to work, I just can't understand why she is not willing. Time really is my ally (I think). The longer she stays and sees that my changes are real, the more likely she is to feel comfortable at home and stay (even if for the wrong reasons in the beginning).<P>Bill