sing and Lora,<P>I have proof that would not involve the snooping, but it is just information from a couple that we are friends with. My wife confided in the female, but eventually they told me. Long story there, but my wife was passing it off as "she has found happiness" and expected people to rejoice. She discovered that no one was amused, other than her new groupies. However, I don't really want to involve these friends.<P>The emails that I could say she left open are borderline proof. Proof of lies, but not of being in love and having sex. For that, I'd have to utilize the snooping data.<P>I agree that denial can happen regardless of proof, so if/when I present my case, I'll expect it. Thanks Lora for pointing that out.<P>sing, the phone records would simply show a 45 minute call to OM the day before my wife dropped the bombshell that she was unhappy and wanted to think. I think it was 4-5 days later that she said "we're separated". It is a blur now. Then each day thereafter you'd see anywhere from 2 to over 10 calls to OM. Pretty convincing, but she'd say "friends". Presenting that would be a snoop result, because she tried to hide them (her cell phone bills). I just took quick copies on my fax machine when she wasn't in the room (and sweat alot). Once she got them they'd disappear.

Do as you will, Rick... as I said, only YOU know the entirety of your situation. My only advice is don’t be paralyzed by fear into inaction. That’s the only sure-lose situation. Your greatest enemy at this point is not your W or even the OM... it is your own fears of doing anything that might “upset” her. She’s already pretty upset, in order to do what she has done, don’t you think?<P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

I've had a plan for telling her what I know for some time. Not much of a plan, but just that I'd do it on an evening where I just got the kids, and get a babysitter after they were asleep. She would go ballistic and probably make threats (custody and invasion of privacy related)....I'm only speculating here...maybe I'd be surprised, who knows. But at least this way, she could fester alone over this, or perhaps with OM. At least her time with him would be tainted. But more importantly, I'd not want to tell her when SHE has the kids, because she will be nasty, and we don't need them subjected to any nasty moods.<P>Anyway, this was an important thread for me, and I've got alot to think about. I have trouble assessing what her opinion would be when she stabilized, and realized that I knew all along. The theory of my Plan A efforts looking better when she knows what I knew, is interesting. I always wondered if she would then think it was all an act since I knew.<P>Thanks again and you all know that I'll keep you posted <P>

Rick,<P>It is good to have a plan & WhoDat makes a great point about fear. <P>I keep writing more but it is so rambling I keep deleting, I need to recover from field trip. Chinatown with 2nd graders,,,,,YS wants to go back tomorrow but at least then it would only be him.