Yes, that's right. According to a mutual friend, my wife told a friend/co-worker that I have a girlfriend. This person then told my friend (who is also her boss). Apparently she is happy for me. All I have to figure out is who is this girlfriend. What is she thinking saying this stuff?<P>I suppose she just wants to paint a picture of me being the first one to find someone since the separation, so she can say "look, he found someone". She could then justify whatever she does. I laughed when I heard this, as did my friend. Her co-worker that she told has also said that she is "a bit loopy now...doesn't know what she wants".<P>Have a nice day

Rick,<P>A lot of this is coming because you have never told your W you have the goods on her. Be very careful or this will come to bit you and it could bit you in a big time.<P>JL

JL,<P>Thanks. Can you expand a bit on why it would come because I haven't told her what I know, and how it could bite me. I should say that I haven't given her proof of what I know, because I've definitely told her that I know she has been in a relationship since the summer, just not how I know.<P>

Rick - you dog! Yup, I have to admit, I've got one too - Sandra Bullock. Look for us in People Magazine.<P>Seriously, it has to be all part of the fantasy. It serves only to justify in her mind what she's doing for whoever she tells this to. Our wives may be in sync again. Sun spots, maybe. I'm taking a new approach that I should have done months ago. I'm going to just watch and let this thing run its course. I've done what I can and she can take it or leave it. No Plan B, just turn her free. Wanna join in?<P>Dave<P>Hey Rick, check out my update on "Analyzers...."<p>[This message has been edited by worthatry (edited January 17, 2001).]

I found that my H told a lot of people I was having an affair of the heart during which it was him all along. He told his OW (plural) that I was and that's how he got the sympathy from them and they continued with him.<P>It's sad that they need this ploy!<P> <P>------------------<BR>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Rick,<P>Marriages swing on who feels what when. Alot of that has to do with the support each individual gets from friends and family surrounding the situation. This board being an exception.<P>Now, to date you have withheld the big guns. You have told her you know, but she doesn't believe you. Further, she can with impunity say whatever she wants because to her knowledge there is no information to the contrary. <P>In fact, she can and does delude herself into thinking that you really don't know and are just suspicious. Therefore, whenever she decides to come back she can. You are just imagining things.<P>Now, even with this lack of information she feels guilty or she feels the need to get out of the marriage. How is she going to manevuer this situation? She is going to make it seem that you are the one that was unfaithful. I don't know the laws where you live, but in someplaces infidelity still carries some weight in child support, child custody, etc. <P>If she can get a bunch of people to believe that you are the one running around, she may feel her case will be supported and she can justify her divorcing you, even if an affair carries no weight in the courts.<P>But most of all by withholding the truth, by being dishonest with her, you have allowed her to avoid facing what she has done and what she is doing. That avoidance is not in your favor no matter how you want your marriage to work out.<P>These are my opinions on the matter. Personally, I might have stayed in your position as well, but once the lies about me started to fly, then perhaps it is time to air out the truth. LB??? Yes, probably. But honesty is required on both sides, and that means yours as well. You haven't lied to her about your knowing, but she believes you are lying about knowing and acting accordingly.<P>So perhaps, you might have a discussion with her. Perhaps you could ask her if it is necessary to prove to her that you "know" that she has/is having an affair and how far it has gone? She may decide to test you or she may just decide to believe you, if you mention just a date or two where you know something happened.<P>In any event, be very careful about letting rumors go unchallenged. At least go to the source, and discuss it with her.<P>Just my opinions Rick. Do with them as you wish.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Hey, Congrats Rick! <P>All I wanna know is aren't you afraid this "girlfriend" might mess up the "wonderful relationship" you & your wife have????<P>Ok, not really funny, but I have to say it made me smile...<P>Hang in there!<P>Kathi

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!<P>seriously, there is someone I know who had many affairs during his marriage. the wife divorced him and he told his family that she is the one that had the A. The inlaws stopped speaking to her. She suffered the humiliation for his affairs for years and thats what she got in the end.<BR>I dont know if your wife is heading down that road but I sure wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that.

That is just too funny, Rick...I hope she's hot! <P>She's almost certainly creating justification for her own actions. I know a little about this subject myself, by the way...I actually DO have a "girlfriend!" Of course, she's not really my girlfriend. I've been on one whole date since I've been separated...just a bite to eat and a glass of wine, a kiss goodnight and a promise of a second date...nothing really, but my STBX keeps asking "so, are you going to meet your girlfriend tonight?"<P>Maybe you, me and WAT all married women born of some weird genetic experiment!

Hi Rick,<P> It is amazing, isn't it? During my WS'S A<BR>he was also telling people that I had friends,too. They really can be convincing, because he had our SIL believing it!!!!<P> I also believe she will be using that to justify herself. My D a WS did that also. Same story different scene.<BR> <P>------------------<BR>Deb

Oh. My. God.<P>Say it can't be true. I thought that my H was the only one who did that when he was having his EMR. He told everyone that I was having an affair, including the XOW - this woman I've never met. When she found out that he was lying about that too, she was then pi**ed all over again. Apparently this is a method that WS use to get sympathy so that they can procede with their own EMR and no one will say a word about it.<P>belld

Oh, yeah. My husband hacked into my e-mail account looking for my suitor. <P>I was contacting a former co-worker for records of my employment, for references, ect, and he was someone that I had spent a little time coffee klatching with at work. He traded a few jokes with me via e-mail. He was also mentioning his new girlfriend, but I guess the Prince O Darkness didn't read that part of his message.<P>Boy, howdy, did I hear about it!! Talk about jealousy--the whole time POD was grieving over his girlfriend and telling me that I didn't have any business knowing about her.

Gotta, just gotta chime in on this one.<P>My MLC cheatin' wife of 12 years accused me of having a relationship with one of her girlfriends, someone who my wife snubbed 10 years ago.<P>What I wonder, is when they dream these things up, do they really believe them or are they throwing "barbs" of distraction for their own abhorant behavior?

I don't know if my wife has ever told anyone that I had a girlfriend or an affair, but she has told lies about me in the same vein. When she moved out last August, she told everyone in the pediatrician's office where she worked part time that I was the one that left! This brought immediate sympathy from all her co-workers. "How could he leave you only a year after the death of you son?" I was scum for a while until OM's wife told them the real story - she used to work there also! Now, my wife won't show her face there for obvious reasons.<P>WAT

I've been on these boards for quite some time, but I can't for the life of me figure out what MLC and EMR means. Yes, I am slow at times so please forgive me my momentary stupidity!<P> <P>------------------<BR>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

MLC = Mid Life Crisis<P>I'm guessing but maybe EMR = Extra Marital Relationship?