Oh dear, I did something sneaky and got cought.<P>I applied for internet access to my H checking account, since my name is on it too. But today it said my password was deactivated. I imagine that they sent the notification to my H address instead of mine and he found out. So much for being sneaky and now I am sure it was a huge LB and an invasion of his privacy.<P>I wonder what I should do. Nothing, or call him or write him a letter explaining why I did it. I did it because I feel so alone and isolated from him and it was just a way to have some contact. I felt that way about his mail too.. just a little connection with him. I know it is stupid. It doesnt mean anything to him so it is not really a connection. But you know how it is, grasping at straws sometimes.<P>So what should I do? Does it sound too pathetic to expain it that way? Is it better to just let it go?<BR>Lora<BR>Lora

I'd let it go and if he asks, just say, "Sorry, that was a bad idea."<P>Spilling your guts will not do you any good, in my opinion.<P>I'm sorry that happened....

Lora,<P>I agree with FHL.. whatever you say to him he will take it as an excuse. You can't change what you did.. and how we all hate excuses from WS? We shouldn't do the same things like our WS do..<P>Hang in there!<P>Meg

I know this probably won't be the most popular response, but if your name is still on the account, you should have access to it even if you don't use it.<P>I'd just let him bring it up and say that you simply were applying for access to all accounts with your name on it. If he doesn't bring it up, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. Like Meg said, it will just be viewed as an excuse anyway.....

Ok Lora, don't sweat this.<P>You have two things going for you...<P>1) you're on the account<P>2) you're blonde! Use it babe! Just look at him with those big eyes and say "I have no idea what that's all about, the bank must have screwed up."<P>Ok, I know everyone...complete honesty. Yeah, yeah, yeah...have any of you never had your bank make a mistake? I mean, he'd really have to do some digging to find out.<P>I was worried Lora that he found out about the phone message thing...now that would be pretty hard to explain.<P>You're fine...let it go...on the scale of lies in this world...you two are about a million to one here. <P>allison

FHL,<BR>Thanks, I guess I will give up the calling him to appologize idea.. thank God, it wasn't my favorite idea.<P>MF,<BR>No, I definatly don't want to go the lies and excuse route.<P>Hurtinil,<BR>Maybe I could tell him I was just seeing what my half was. LB for sure. <P>Allison, Ok so I thought of that first.. or else say I did it a long time ago and it must have taken them that long to get it activated. <BR>But if I know him if I just don't say anything we will not be talking about it.<BR> <BR>I saw his truck about a half mile away Monday at the massage therapist he always went to and it really tore me up. No phone call all weekend and then he was right here and nothing. I am going back to plan B... no contact from me for awhile.<P>Lora<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Lora (edited March 03, 2001).]

Dear Lora,<P> Hi,I will throw in my 2 cents too.I would just do nothing,he probably wont mention it ever because he is conflict avoider.Hang in there Lora,you have made it this far!<P> Love and Prayers,beth

Hi Lora. It is the other Beth. I wanted you to remember that Checking on phone messages is a sure fire way to hurt only you. To know what you really don't want to to know. Or maybe you do since they are "just frinds." <P>I had a really rough Sat-Weds, with J in Chicago. HE denies seeing ow, but I know he did. And by the time the trip was over, I did not care if she was there or not, because my mind told me she was without a doubt. But, I kept myself from checking to see if she was registered. Then I kept thinking up tricks to get the hotel to tell me, like I was her sister and my new baby was sick...etc, oh the plausible yarns I came up with. But ultimately I bit the wifely bullet, and did not check up on my H's story. I did not even call in the middle of the night at her apt. to see if she was there. <P>But the big depression I had until tuesday was nothing to laugh at. I went to a meeting last night and the whole thing became clear. I was allowing his actions, his mere tone of voice, intimate things to me that were either true or not. I have no proof, but acted as if it were the truth, and allowed my H's behavior govern how I felt about me. I slipped big time back into codependence for 5 days. But to realize this, if I gave the responsibility where it belongs, to J, then I had nothing more to worry over. If he was lying, he was cheating himself, the fact that he drags this whole thing out is his problem, not mine. So when I got home, and he returned from the airport, I asked him to move out after my trip to El Paso next weekend.<P>Yep, the time has come for me too. If a simple business trip can send me into such a self destructive whirl, then the cause must go. For sanity's and love's sake!! I will not love him at the end of this if he continually chooses her over me, fog or not. And I can never be sure if he is telling lies or the truth. If it is business or pleasure(or both.) He hid the fact that he cut his wedding ring off before the trip, didn't he? Sure he bought a nice loose new one, but I think it was just to hide it, like I wouldn't notice! Big truths are even harder for him to tell. He could not even answer, just, "Nice welcome home." I told him I loved him and explained why, but he turned off. I knew it was coming, I should have planned it, but when the moment comes, it comes...<P>I am thinking of you, please don't worry about your H, If he questions the banking, just inform him that as long as he is legally married, and your name is legally on the account you have every right.<P>For instance, what if he totally screws the accounts and get into legal trouble, you would be responsible too, that is the reality. You had the right. YOu still have the right to have total documentation on that account. <P>P.S: Sorry I turned this into a Beth thread. I really just wanted to remind you to be careful what you ask for, you might get it.

Thanks Beth and Beth <P>Burned Beth, I know what you mean. When you have to get them out its time. I felt such releif when he was gone, of course sadness followed. But you can do it. Stay strong, put the focus on you and your growth and let him find his way. Hugs,<BR>Lora