Woww,, three years later. Hard to believe. In some ways it seems like yesterday and in some ways,,a long, long time ago. <P>For those of you that know me, I think of so many of you so very often. For those of you that don't, I offer a little background. My H & I have been married 31 yrs. We have grown children and grandchildren. My H had a long term affair that I discovered in Jan 1998. I was one of those unbelievably totally oblivious W's and shocked beyond belief. The OW was someone he met at a bar. <P>I was completely devestated but walked away with the assumption we were over. Afterall, wasn't it me that always said "Cheat on me and we are through." There was no doubt in my mind,, that was it. My H convinced me to try one more time, give him one chance to make it up to me, to allow him to show me how sorry he was. How could I say no? I had given chances to so many people in my life that had hurt me. My kids did so many things growing up that broke my heart, but I forgave them and never stopped loving them. My friends, brother and sister, parents had let me down at times and I always forgave. But there was no comparison between that hurt and this one. This was THE BIGGIE, the ultimate hurt, the ONE thing I'd always said was unforgivable. Could I do it? Could we? Was this something we could ever in a million years get past? <P>We'd been through so much together. Starting with our first apt, no furniture and only a sleeping bag, to having babies with no insurance, buying our first fixerupper house that had 50,000 occupants (all of the cockroach kind), our numerous homeowner remodeling projects, loss of jobs and lay offs, a sick child that we were told was going to die, parents with terminal illnesses. We pulled it all off together but this was going to be a big challenge. <P>Three years later and we are doing great. Much much better than I would have ever dreamed. I found this MB site shortly after discovery in March of 98 and was a very regular poster at that time. Following the MB suggestions and advice, we have managed to save and succeed with a marriage that we are very proud of today. Some very special people here(Almost Happy, WS, Samantha, to name just a few) have inspired me and encouraged me when I ran into bumps in this recovery road. "Almost Happy" and I email nearly everday and kept close tabs on each other. <P>To those of you just entering this painful club, there is hope for a better future. I'm so glad we took the chance and made the effort to repair our relationship. I won't say for one minute that it has been easy, probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. But it has its rewards. It has for us. And it can for you too. <P>Thanks to all the wonderful people on MB forum, to the Harley's for this great site and to my friend AlmostHappy. I wish there was never a need for any of us to be here but since there was that need for me, I'm glad I had all of you to pull me through.

Nerlycrzy......<BR>You Go Girl!!!!!!<BR>Love Ya,<BR>Almost Happy <BR>-----<BR>TIME

Thanks to you also for sharing your story. I think we need more happy endings or some of us need to hear them. Thanks again.

<P>Love,<P>Lori

Thank you for sharing your success story to the newcomers like us here. It will give lots of us hope and inspiration and remind us that it is possible and it could be done. Sometimes we just keep wondering whether to give up and move on or to keep trying with time and patience. I know a lot of success stories or at least of what I’ve seen here was the case of the husband’s affair. I wish I could see more of the success stories related to the wife’s affair. I’m sorry I don’t mean to vent or complain or anything. I’m very happy to see the happy ending.<P>OOOO<BR>

<P>Two years for me. Hope it keeps getting better, just like you!

Hi there,<P> I'm with FHL.....it's been 2yrs. and I'm FINALLY starting to believe that we will make it!!! <P> I think the difference with Almost Happy and Nearlycrzy and myself is the fact that their H's knew what they wanted immediately and acted remorseful. <P> I would like to offer hope to those who's H's are confused and don't act remorseful etc....it is STILL possible and I think we are getting to the same place that they are at....the operative word is TIME.....( I know, I know, hate it too!) but as Harley says, most affairs die naturally around 2yrs. and if one can hold on, they (the WS) will usually try to come back..(no guarantees but it sure seems to happen alot)..........LU<p>[This message has been edited by Lu (edited January 18, 2001).]

Nerly<BR>I'm so glad you posted this! <BR>It is always so nice to see your name.<BR>When I came here in April '99 you were the first to post to me and really care.<BR>I have carried many of your words of wisdom with me. Still have a lot printed up.<P>I know with your attitude that success was the only way this could go.

HOORAY!!!!!!!!!

THANKS FOR SHARING.<P>Your posts help me believe that we could make it.<P>We have.<P>lizpearl

nrlycrzy...I'm fairly new to this Board and have mostly been an observer. Your story is so much like ours...been married 30+years and also been through many crises. We are also 3 years into recovery and doing well and it's so encouraging to see others doing well also. I know that everyone's recovery is different but I am still struggling so much with sadness and obsessing, nightmares, etc...all the things that I see others post that are in recovery for a much shorter period of time. In reading your post it just made me wonder...do you still struggle with these things. My husband tries to help but of course wants more than anything for me to feel better. I should say here that I have struggled less and less as time goes on but this hurt was just so devastating that I wonder if it will last a lifetime. How sad! I also have realized that I need to work on my own insecurities and focus more time and energy on myself than on thoughts of H with OW. Would like to hear from you..Thanks.

Nerly,<BR>Thanks for posting. You've given me hope through the years, you and HGBrawner were among the first posters I saw who were making their marriages work... I wish you the best.

Nerly,<P>I remember you, gal.

Thanks so much for giving me some good things to think about. We are new here, and I am trying to change my life, and I am also fortuante to have a wife that is willing to give me a try. It is hard, so hard I can't believe it sometimes, but if good things can really happen I can wait forever to be with her.

<small>[ April 09, 2004, 08:38 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Thanks so much to all of you for the congrats and good wishes. I do read this forum all of the time and am familiar with almost all your stories, even if this may have been the first time you've actually heard from me. Please know there are many like me that follow your stories and care, even if we don't post alot.<P>Almost Happy--my pal. Hey, we think so much alike, we almost posted at the exact SAME time!<P>Sing--hang in there. And I agree, I always felt uplifted up success stories, especially when I was feeling really defeated.<P>lostva- Your posts are always so encouraging to those feeling so hopeless. Keep up the good work!<P>OffOnOnOff-- I agree,,it must be alittle more difficult for you guys to see successes when the situation is reversed. We used to have many more guys posting success stories but so many seem to have left the forum. Maybe some that still have email contact with these guys can get them to update also.<P>FHL-- I'm so happy for your success story and wishing you continued happiness. This third year is much easier than the previous two. Those were really tough, weren't they??<P>Lu-- I agree,, we are lucky our H's immediately committed to working on the marriage. I often wonder what would have happened if I had discovered the affair when it was new or in the middle of it. It's hard to try to look at the "bright side" of a long term affair,but maybe I was lucky I was blind for so long and didn't know until it was already dying down.<P>K-- you are always so encouraging to everyone and a wealth of MB info so badly needed by those struggling. I admire you. <P>WS-- my friend,,I'm so glad you and H are doing so much better. You are such a wonderful person and so helpful to so many on this site.<P>Survivor-- follow you too and thanks for the happy face!<P>mthrrhbard--thanks! Wishing you the best!<P>alias--I'm so glad you are making it. Rough road, huh?? But we are getting there!!<P>Lor-- Amazing, isn't it? Yes, HGB was a great help to me also even though we were almost at the same stages of recovery. And your encouragement and pep talks to those in need here is a real gift to the forum. <P>schizzo-- and I remember you and keep track of your posts also. Thanks for the wishes.<P>opdam-- they really can happen. Keep reading, keep posting and hang in there. It's tough but when it works,,it's great!!<p>[This message has been edited by Nerlycrzy (edited January 18, 2001).]

hurtingbuthopeful--I didn't forget you. I saved you for last because I wanted to answer you. <P>Yes, I do still struggle with hurt and anger. It's not nearly as bad as it once was but it is still there. I guess the main difference is now I have made a conscious decision that I WILL NOT allow it to rule my life. My counselor told me a long time ago, I posted it many times and have seen it posted many times since then--" At one time your H made a huge mistake by inviting this woman into your life. It almost destroyed your marriage. Now YOU are inviting her back in, mentally, and giving her the POWER to finish off the job. Don't give her that power!!" <P>My counselor was right. This was MY problem, my fault. My H was doing everything he could to repair our marriage. HE had ceased all contact. I was keeping the past current. It's hard, no two ways about it. But it has to be a deliberate conscious decision to let the past go. <P>Please feel free to contact me via email or on this forum if you'd like to discuss this. We can go on and we can get past this. We have to. We are in it for the long run and we want to grow old together lovingly without bitterness. Easier said than done,, I know....

<B>Nerly</B><P>Gosh lady it is so good to see your thread. I saw this earlier today while I was at work and didn't have time to respond. I couldn't wait to come home and do that and read all the other responses. Thanks so much for sharing.<P>You and your story are an inspiration to everyone here. I know you have inspired me often and held my hand cyberly a time or two and helped me get through much of this. Now we are approuching the two year anniversary of d-day and the start of recovery, and again you are inspiring me with the words that the third year is so much better and easier.<P>I think of you often, and keep you in my prayers. I lurk too. Although I do pop in once in a while. (Just can't seem to keep my big mouth shut! )<P>E-mail me once in a while okay? I will e-mail you after our vacation to let you know how it wall goes, and I think this time I will actually have pics too.<P>Tons of love to you!<P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited January 18, 2001).]

Nerlycrzy,<P>So great to see your name and post! Glad to hear that all is well. We have much in common and your posts helped so much. Thanks for checking back in and giving an update. May God continue to strengthen your marriage.<P>Blessings, Taj